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  1. #11
    Senior Gamedog's Avatar
    Weasyl
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    I've got social anxiety disorder (SAnD) so I know how you feel. Tasks that other people would find easy or nothing were the end of the world to me.
    Don't listen to the people who say "first world problem", they're not worth a minute of your time. Ignore the people who don't believe you when you talk about anxiety disorders, they're not worth your time either. Ignore all ignorance about anxiety.
    Work on your anxiety when YOU want at YOUR own pace, don't let anybody push or force you.
    It's taken me years to the point I'm at now, but just know that you can do it. I don't feel comfortable talking about the majority of my anxiety-related experiences and fears, but I used to be terrified of going into a fast-food restaurant and ordering food, almost to the point of tears.. now I'm able to do that AND eat in the restaurant which is a massive step for me.
    I did this by going at my own pace and ignoring the negative people in my life like my dad, who are in the old-fashioned mindset of "if you can't see it, it doesn't exist" when it comes to mental disabilities.

  2. #12
    I've talked about my anxiety and depression a little before on the forums, but I think if I had to sum up the root of my problems, it would be this: I suspect my parents both have narcissistic personality disorder. They want to look good in front of everyone, and if someone suggests that they've made a mistake, disagrees with them, or asks them to admit that they're wrong about absolutely anything, they scream at them, threaten them, call them a liar, try to make them admit to lying or having a faulty memory (even if they're telling the truth), and make them feel guilty and horrible and like they're a terrible person. They wouldn't let me see my psychologist again after she told them their actions were negatively impacting my life.

    They also have an obsession with micromanaging my life. No decision I make is correct, unless they've made it for me. I'm forbidden from having a life outside of school or work, and I'm only allowed to go to college or work in places they've specifically approved of first, they've never approved of anyone I've been friends with or dated (and most of them have been scared off by my parents), and if I buy something they think is "stupid", I'm made to feel guilty for "wasting money". Even if I earned said money myself. I'm legally an adult. I'm responsible, I've never gotten in trouble. But they still feel justified in doing this. I just don't know what to say or do at this point.

  3. #13
    Felis Margarita Tipsy's Avatar

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    It took me roughly two years to concede to the fact that I have problems with anxiety. I'm so, so hesitant to even consider my issues a disorder, because there's such a negative stigma attached to mental health issues. Maybe that's denial talking, but with so many "special snowflakes" out there demanding that people treat them gingerly because they allegedly have twenty different disorders, I don't want to inadvertently be lumped in with them, because if anything, I want to feel normal. And, hopefully, you can draw something important or helpful from what I have to say, because I feel it's extremely relieving to talk about these kinds of things.

    Social anxiety isn't a "first world problem." You are a human being who can legitimately struggle and suffer, just like anyone else, and no one can invalidate your feelings or experiences just because you live in a certain country. Gamedog said it best: Ignore those people. They're not interested in helping you or lifting you up.

    Without getting into the details of the incident itself, it seemed to turn me into a different person, according to my mother and fiancÚ. I was suddenly afraid of talking to people I didn't trust, and it was just enough for me to be able to talk to my family on occasion. This feeling even crept into my online interactions, and I would be unreasonably terrified of emails or message notifications. In thinking about it, I'd tremble for hours at a time, and it was strong enough to keep me from even grasping items in my hands. I often woke up sick, and just the thought of opening my mouth threatened to expel the contents of my stomach. I went days without eating because I was afraid that I'd puke. This made me lethargic, and I stopped doing all the things I loved in favor of laying in bed, staring blankly at the TV. One day, I started contemplating suicide, and it was the biggest wake-up call I'd had since the problems began. That's when I finally stepped back and realized that it had too much power over me.

    I've improved since then, but only because I took that bull by the horns. It's still a struggle sometimes for me to meet new people or interact with strangers, but things are infinitely better with friends and family.

    As much as I wish I could, I can't just dive right back into my old self, but I'm getting there through slow, steady acclimation. I had to begin helping myself, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. I started a regular Friday board game night with my closest friends to try and "resocialize" myself, and they ended up being the highlight of my week (haven't had any in a while because the air conditioning is broken, bleh). I took up a new collecting hobby that requires me to interact with complete strangers to find more things for my collection, and I've actually managed to make a few friends from it!

    I make it a point to keep myself busy, because I learned that idle hands are dangerous. There's an element of escapism in all the things I find the most joy in, though, like roleplaying with a friend, drawing, or playing video games. Sometimes, I like to watch shows and movies from my childhood because they take me back to a time when I know I was happy, and didn't have all these worries. A feeling of distance between yourself and your problems feels like... getting a break. It's very relieving. But I always make time to address with myself the things that are bothering me.

    All these things are teaching me better time management as I balance work, fun, and setting aside time to meditate on things I have issues with. I feel there's a lot of satisfaction to be had in self-improvement, and that satisfaction with myself is developing my confidence. You just have to learn what works for you. Not everyone deals with problems the same way.

    I hope that kind of helps out a little. Chin up, friend. c:

  4. #14
    Well, having PTSD I can say I understand panic attacks and anxiety. One day on a Friday afternoon, around 3 or 4, I was in my lab just updating my notebook before leaving for the weekend when I guess something triggered me. I dropped what I was doing, turned to my labmate, eyes full of panic and just said "I HAVE TO GO." in all caps, grabbed my backpack and sprinted out of the building into the woods before going "Wait... what am I doing again?"

    I also get woken up startled over this anxiety, and can't get back to sleep. But they got me on some harsh sleep medication so now I sleep for like 10~12 hours. x3

    PS: My boss fired me when he found out I have PTSD and explicitly said so, then bragged to all my friends at the university about it. Can anyone say multimillion dollar lawsuit. My lawyer can!

  5. #15
    Senior Daisy La Liebre's Avatar
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    I have anxiety with depression, but my meds have made it a lot easier to manage. It used to be that I'd lay in bed with my mind going a thousand feet per second, sleep never coming because I'm always worried about what's going to happen next. Now, however, I think I'm fairly well adjusted thanks to SSRIs.

  6. #16
    Regular paroapockinroo's Avatar
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    It seems to me that those that are judgmental about anxiety and see it solely as a "first world problem" are that way because they're simply uninformed and confusing it with shyness. Young children gain a sense of "anxiety" through new and overwhelming experiences and being forced into situations that are beneficial for their growth, but do enact a sense of fear or shyness because they want to retreat back into their safe shells. -Everyone- knows this feeling, however not everyone is familiar with the true anxiety as someone who deals with it day to day. This misconception causes people to try and empathize with those who are anxiety-ridden by treating them as though they are a young child who just needs to "grow up" as though we haven't fully developed past this stage. And, I'm not educated enough to say but, anxiety may simply be caused to some degree by some stunt in development in this part of the brain, but regardless, living with perpetual fear and guilt is much different than situational anxiety / shyness. I think "common" mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression still hold a large stigma in society today and that is why people can be so misunderstanding.

    However! I do agree that joining this fandom has been one of the most beneficial things so far in my life as an opportunity to being more comfortable in social situations, as fursuiting makes me feel less inhibited and just able to be outgoing and have more fun without being judged for being myself. As an artist in this fandom as well I'd certainly say that drawing reduces my anxiety, it always has which is why I enjoy it, as well as just being involved in art in general.
    ♪ ♫ ♪ ✿ ~ Moth the Whitetail Doe ~ ✿ ♪ ♫ ♪
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  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by paroapockinroo View Post
    It seems to me that those that are judgmental about anxiety and see it solely as a "first world problem" are that way because they're simply uninformed and confusing it with shyness. Young children gain a sense of "anxiety" through new and overwhelming experiences and being forced into situations that are beneficial for their growth, but do enact a sense of fear or shyness because they want to retreat back into their safe shells. -Everyone- knows this feeling, however not everyone is familiar with the true anxiety as someone who deals with it day to day. This misconception causes people to try and empathize with those who are anxiety-ridden by treating them as though they are a young child who just needs to "grow up" as though we haven't fully developed past this stage.
    I can actually vouch for this to be true, I'v had this happening all to often as a teen, fun fact ; it gets even better if you're asexual because that's also something people see as 'not grown up' so you can assure to get the full Monty. The problem this creates that when people tread you like a kid, not only does it hurt your self esteem you also won't learn much social wise. Witch is horrible, I'v learned most in the past 4 years demanding peoples respect and getting rid of those that treat me like I'm autistic. (sadly enough I can't trow my dad out of the house, that be great tho)


    going to snip this
    Quote Originally Posted by medacris View Post
    But they still feel justified in doing this. I just don't know what to say or do at this point.
    Pretend to dance at their demands,find a hobby that keeps you sane (drawing does that for me ) finish school,and the moment you can, LEAVE, even if it is a dorm. That's a toxic situation right there don't do what I did, I had to stay due health issues. Obviously its not getting any better huehue ... Don't despair tho, things won't always be like that, leave, make your own life, you can do it ^^

    ---


    My dad is a narcissistic sociopath and my mother an enabler, they pretty much shot my self esteem trough the grounds of hell, witch is not helping me deal with anxiety.
    Its hard enough keeping my mind positive with a sever depression, the feeling that I'm a prisoner who's being monitored to their bank account's detail, and the fact that all I can take for jobs are retail related, its really, god I don't even have the word for it, social anxiety + retail. I think its easy to see how much I like jobs when you come home like a nerve wreck that just survived the second titanic. And yes this also drags on in online conversing, worse being private chats with new people and MMO's. I know I have a serious problem going on, I'v been trying to tackle it for years with no avail. Another year, another psychiatrist.

  8. #18
    Regular paroapockinroo's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it seems the only solution is to just try and stay positive and inform others as best you can, maybe one day the stigma will be broken.
    Also, my condolences to you. I dated a sociopath for about a year, which I'm sure is nothing to living with one, but it certainly was not a healthy experience.
    ♪ ♫ ♪ ✿ ~ Moth the Whitetail Doe ~ ✿ ♪ ♫ ♪
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  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by paroapockinroo View Post
    I dated a sociopath for about a year, which I'm sure is nothing to living with one, but it certainly was not a healthy experience.
    Got to say, I'm surprised he showed his real colors that fast. From what I'v picked up my dad got into his real behavior only after they married. Sounded like they can hide it for rather a while.

    Really glad you left that guy,and I hope safely. Its such a shameful fact that their behavior is only aimed at the people they are closest too, makes it hard to spot. Yeah can't advice, they are really ... toxic, to put it even lightly.

  10. #20
    Senior Manna's Avatar
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    I've been living with severe anxiety and derealization since someone tried to kill me

    While Post Traumatic Stress is quite different from Generalized Anxiety or Panic Disorder, in the first years since the incident I flirted with each diagnosis, due to auto-gaslighting (internalized abuse) and my resilience to talking about what happened to me

    I was at first diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder at the same time, by a man who prescribed me Risperidone (an anti psychotic) which made me tired all the time and made my derealization episodes worse

    I found it helped a little to hear explanations of what's happening to my body from medical professionals. The first doctor explained to me that the human body naturally builds adrenaline under stress (a function of the stress hormone Cortisol). In a perfectly functioning human body there is a degree of recidivism with the panic chemical, you build it up and it slips quietly back into the blood stream without protest when you're safe. With Panic Disorder however the adrenaline built up without trickling out, until it reaches the point of being more than your reserves can handle and your body dumps it all out at once. This causes panic attacks seemingly out of random, your body floods with adrenaline and you feel fear for no reason you can place

    Of course this doesn't tell you anything you don't really already know. You already have a grasp that you're a ticking time bomb, waiting for the next "random" panic attack. The explanation describes a metric impossible to measure, but I found it comforting to know that there was a reason this was happening to my body

    Social anxiety was expected, and I understand what you mean when you say meeting strangers was so stressful. It's very common for people with anxiety disorders to become agoraphobic. You feel as if you're followed no matter where you go. Like it's breathing down your neck, misting steam in the cold outside and you don't know when it's going to bite. You spend forever in anticipation and hide indoors, you won't be safe if it strikes while you're driving, while you're at school, while you're at the grocery store

    I'm unfortunately at a stage of Post Traumatic Stress where it's permanently damaged my brain, so there's no real hope of me "getting better" but there are a few things that help me cope

    The important thing with anxiety is that you create a safe space for yourself. I mention that phrase a lot on this forum but that's different from what I mean here. You need to create a private space for yourself free of any stressor. I made a tumblr a few years ago and all I reblog is things that calm me down when I have panic attacks, so when I'm shaking balefully I can go there and just surround myself with things that make me happy. You can do this with a folder on your desktop too, but I find tumblr has a better UI than the windows library

    You can do it with physical spaces too, a corner of the room full of stuffed animals or something, but I find physical environments are harder to control

    The most important thing is to remember that your feelings are valid, no matter what. People everywhere will tell you "it's nothing", or to "just do yoga", or minimize the pain you're going through. It's really easy to internalize this because there's a societal impression that people struggling with mental illness don't know themselves, that nothing they say can be trusted, even on the front of their own illness

    No one knows you better than you. Be firm when you say "this hurts me", cut people out who don't respect your humanity

    Quote Originally Posted by paroapockinroo View Post
    I dated a sociopath for about a year
    Avoid self identifying sociopaths like the plague

    It's not a real illness, it's just a rewording of "anti social personality disorder" which has a long and bitter political history (link) (link) (first link talks about how personality disorders attack a person for their personality rather than respect their humanity and sometimes reasonable reactions to their environment, second link relates that general thinking to ASPD, which has historically been diagnosed on marginalized people who express frustration with how greater society is treating them, hence "anti social"). 95% of the time when someone tells you they're a sociopath they're self diagnosed and just want to get away with acting abusive towards you

    take care of yourself
    Last edited by Manna; 12-16-2014 at 04:53 AM.

 

 

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