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Thread: Free critique

  1. #1
    Senior Manna's Avatar
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    Free critique

    Yo I'm bored as fuck so if any of y'all want someone to look at your work and give you critique
    ~for free~
    lemme know

    just make sure you've spellchecked and shit lmao

  2. #2
    Senior Gnarl's Avatar
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    Doggywolf67
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    Gee, if your that bored you can take a look at this one:
    https://www.weasyl.com/submission/69...d-the-GargaTom
    Just a short little thing. I spell checked it and thought it was corrected after the format change but I have no idea what caused the white box things. I will fix those at some point. first I have to figure out what they are. Well, good luck.

  3. #3
    Senior Manna's Avatar
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    Getting to it now, it might take me a while to read tho

    While I'm reading it, could you tell me what your paradigm was going into this work? What was your goal with what you were creating, what did you want it to do?

    Edit: May I ask you what your editing process is like?
    Last edited by Manna; 08-15-2014 at 06:45 PM.

  4. #4
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    this is a story that came to me as I was looking at the ruins of an old bridge, as the morning mist came down the mountain to the river below. It was in the highland of Scotland and the tour bus has stopped to look at a highland cow.
    as for what it is for, it was to entertain, to distract, to enjoy. Does every story have to have a divine purpose?
    The editing, well I read and re-read until I am sick of it, then I read it aloud. I run spell check and stare at it again. I can't get my family to read any of these things. The bad part is that I am not that computer literate so the dumb things usually get blown to bits when I try to format them for e-post. I hate the ansi/utf8 or word vs txt stuff, because I have no idea what I am doing! I swear it might be easier to just scan it and upload as a picture!

    I wrote it in word, then opened it in notepad and saved it as a txt. then reformatted from ansi to UTF8. then I corrected all the quote marks and other characters. Moved sentences around and tried to get the spacing correct. I totally missed that many comas were gone. I tried to make it fit the page but that seems to have been a bad thing to do!
    Last edited by Gnarl; 08-15-2014 at 08:47 PM.

  5. #5
    Senior Manna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gnarl View Post
    this is a story that came to me as I was looking at the ruins of an old bridge, as the morning mist came down the mountain to the river below. It was in the highland of Scotland and the tour bus has stopped to look at a highland cow.
    as for what it is for, it was to entertain, to distract, to enjoy. Does every story have to have a divine purpose?
    I'm not meaning to force purpose from you, I just wanted to know your goals and inspirations coming in

    The editing, well I read and re-read until I am sick of it, then I read it aloud. I run spell check and stare at it again. I can't get my family to read any of these things. The bad part is that I am not that computer literate so the dumb things usually get blown to bits when I try to format them for e-post. I hate the ansi/utf8 or word vs txt stuff, because I have no idea what I am doing! I swear it might be easier to just scan it and upload as a picture!
    The reason I asked is because the narrative tone seems a little stilted. At first I thought it might have been because you weren't reading aloud (which helps when figuring out what sounds "natural"), but I think the problem is you have a lot of focus on "telling" rather than "showing"

    your first sentence "Professor M as the students called him was very happy that the university had granted his request to travel to the highlands of Scotland to gather material for the new book." reads in a sort of "stop-go" way, because you have so many ideas jammed into this one sentence. We learn what his name is, that he's happy, WHY he's happy, where he's going and why. This could be a paragraph on its own if you took the time to show us this information instead of coming out and saying it forthright.

    "Thank's Professor M!" a student chimed on her way out, leaving an overdue assignment on his desk. "Oh it's no problem" he hummed in response, almost ignoring her as he packed his briefcase excitedly. Today he was a little more spry than usual, and a little more forgiving too. He packed his pens and his papers and hummed to himself for a bit before taking an opened letter out of his drawer. He could almost kiss this torn envelope, signed curtly by the Dean. The university had granted his request to travel out to the Scottish highlands, where he would gather material for a new book. He was going to be working with an old friend of his, and he was very excited indeed.

    Now I understand that that might now be the tone you're going for, but it's just an example sketch I drew up for the sake of explaining. When you spread the details out like that you give yourself more of a narrative flow, which will also help to draw in the reader.

  6. #6
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    Doggywolf67
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    Nifty! I did that sort of thing with two of my books but for some reason I seem to have this mental image that requires me to compress for a short story. I think maybe I should break the mindset and start to paint the picture in words. I do not always need to be straight to the point, when there is a more interesting way to get it across. Thanks, I will take that to heart!

  7. #7
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    Well, now I am more confused! This story has gotten more views on this site than any other. (160).. Not a single like, or comment.
    Yet it has more views than any of my posted art, and it seems to gain some every day. So what am I supposed to make of it?

  8. #8
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    usually I'd say "they're clicking for the art and then realizing it's a written piece" but you don't have an icon for the piece

    maybe people are finding your work through this thread? \:3/

  9. #9
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    Uh, did I do it wrong? Was I supposed to have an Icon or something?
    Well I still have a lot to learn don't I?

    Hey so maybe more people should talk about their works here and get more reads?
    Last edited by Gnarl; 09-12-2014 at 08:20 PM.

  10. #10
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    Manna, are you still looking for something to read and critique?

 

 

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