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  1. #1

    So TA has finally cracked.

    It all started about a year ago, I was really sick. I had the flu from hell, knocked on my ass for a week solid. It hurt so much to swallow I had to grip the armrest of the chair in pain to choke down Gatorade and my voice was missing for a solid month. After that, I noticed my fingers would shake if I did certain things with them. This worried me as I was always a very dextrous person, but I wrote it off as anxiety. A flu and shaky hands have nothing in common.

    Months pass, the shaking seems to get a little worse, off and on in both hands, but so does my stress. I go to the doc complaining about it and he suggests anxiety, and gives me a script for an SNRI. I say to myself, "Self, you've tried SSRIs, but maybe this will be different. It's a different drug." Well, my first pill made me violently ill. And I mean that in the most spectacular manner possible, I woke the entire house up at 3am with my sickness and they found me lying on the floor in a cold sweat. So, that was it for antidepressants.

    I was still shaky, so I went to the doc again in late May. He did a short physical examination and concluded that, because my shaking stopped when I was distracted, it probably wasn't neurological and was likely psychological, due to stress. He gave me a referral to a neurologist in case I wanted a full work-up done however for peace of mind. This made me feel better, and for a few weeks or so I was fine.

    Then last week it all came tumbling down. I got back to back 6 days week shifts at work. Suddenly I went from a normal active person to a complete wreck. All the muscles in my left arm feel like they were smashed with a hammer. I'm clumsy as an oaf and I'm fumbling for words left and right. There's a constant tremor in my left hand and twitches all over my body. My eye will twitch, my legs, my arms, my shoulders, my stomach, everything. It's especially worrisome in my fingers. I'll just sit there watching my thumb slowly go back and forth of its own accord, which just makes me worry more. My legs feel like tree trunks when I walk and I bounce them with nervous energy when I'm sitting. My brain is completely fogged over. I can barely sleep and when I do it's nightmares, usually of people dying.

    This of course lead me to Dr. Google which is never good. Essential Tremor, Parkinson's Disease, Brain Tumor, Multiple Sclerosis? The hours I've poured into this are startling. One minute I'm hammering away at Rock Band on the guitar, the next I'm shuffling around the house with my hands in my pockets like Michael J. Fox, wondering how long it will be before I'm confined to a wheelchair. It's like every symptom I read about I'll suddenly develop within days of reading it. I'm driving my family nuts with my constant looking in the mirror and examination of my ever so slightly trembling hand saying, "do you see this!?" I pace the house till daybreak wondering what to do, then wonder why I'm losing so much sleep that I'm making myself sick.

    They think it's all in my head. I know it's all in my head. Like, I know Parkinson's doesn't manifest itself in 25 year olds over the course of several days, and that if this were a real problem it wouldn't conveniently not bother me when I do things like play games. My hand is convulsing as I write this, but when I watch a video it's fine. However, knowing this is all in my head and stopping it are two different things. Plus, even if it is a complete fabrication of my stress and anxiety, that won't make it go away. So I'm going completely bonkers.

    I think I need a chewable vitamin.
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  2. #2
    Senior Gamedog's Avatar
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    That is really strange, have you considered seeing a neurologist? Most "doctors" you can see usually just try to shove a bottle of pills in your hand and push you out the door.

  3. #3
    Resident Khajiit Ibuuyk's Avatar


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    That's gotta be the most severe case of teenage angst I've seen. If there's something I can say, it's stay the hell away from Google, you're just making things worse for yourself since it's, as you said, psychological.

    Then there's the typical "take a break, get a lot of rest" but I know that's hard for people with jobs.

    EDIT: Woot, 666 posts!

  4. #4
    I plan to call the neuro my doc referred me to tomorrow.
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  5. #5
    Wannabe Ferret Minka's Avatar
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    You need to get on anti-anxiety medicine asap.

  6. #6
    Anti-anxiety medication in and of itself causes anxiety due to the side-effects involved. I'm also convinced that what I have isn't so much an anxiety problem as it is a bullshit problem.
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  7. #7
    I saw the neuro today, he basically said it sounds like benign essential tremors, he'd need an MRI to rule most of the dangerous stuff out, but they're all highly unlikely. I asked him how he knew, and he said it's mostly just a pattern, and that this kind of thing is made worse with stress and anxiety. I wondered how do I know then if it's not the stress and anxiety causing it, and the answer was basically they're two apples from the same tree. Most times the tremor comes out when you think about it which causes a feedback loop in your thought process almost identical to the anxiety feedback loop, so its entirely possible its both.

    Basically I might have a minor neurological tremor that just goes bonkers when I'm stressed out, which will get worse as I get older.
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  8. #8
    Senior Torrijos_sama's Avatar
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    Is it tremor or akathisia? Both can be manifestations of either anxiety or chemical interactions if you were already on SSRIs or other drugs.

  9. #9
    Regular Fibriel Solaer's Avatar
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    I am of the belief that one should never take medication for anxiety or any other issue deemed psychological, unless you have a clear physiological condition contributing to it such as a thyroid disorder.



    As for diagnosis, of course you should never use Google because of the psychology of self-diagnosis - Google will immediately give you the name of a deadly illness. By checking the list of possible symptoms for that illness you are biasing in favor of a positive identification, whereas you do not have a preloaded conclusion if you report your symptoms directly as no particular illness has been installed into your thoughts.

    It is standard medical practice to go down the list from the most common (and usually least worrisome) condition first and, after excluding those as possibilities, to continue to rarer and more dangerous conditions.

    I saw the neuro today, he basically said it sounds like benign essential tremors
    Lucky you, because they're called benign for a reason. Benign tremors are not life-threatening, though it may make your life hell if you aren't able to treat it since for some people it gets worse over time.

    Essential tremors are the most common kind of tremor and, so far as I know, are not linked to any deathly conditions - although the symptoms heavily resemble Parkinson's, they only rarely occur simultaneously. Tremors occur more or less solely when a muscle is exerting stress (note that muscles must exert stress just for you to stand or sit up, so tremors while "resting" are still plausible under this definition.)

    There's no magical cure-all for the condition, but I consider it likely that reducing your various stresses will mitigate the tremors. To that end, follow the basics: adequate water, proper nutrition, a good sleep schedule, cut out caffeine, etc.

 

 

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