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  1. #1
    Junior jerry's Avatar
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    I need to (calmly) rant about people

    This is not a BAWWing thread.

    This is not a hugbox thread

    This is just a vent I need to have about an aspect of life that I simply can't figure out.

    I won't write an entire book about it, but I've always struggled with getting to connect with people. I was bullied a lot, but mostly I had to deal with an endless stream of mean, manipulative jerks who did their best to stigmatize me and make most people push me aside, or ignore me at best. That sounds ridiculously paranoid, but I was the most naive one about this until I actually got proofs of it. But as I said that's not my point.

    I used to make friends easily, it wasn't a problem at all. But I wasn't able to keep them. They were told unimaginable bullshit about me, in my back of course. I couldn't really expect them to stick around. I even lost my childhood friends, those I wholeheartedly care about, that way. At first I didn't care much, now I think it starts to weigh on my heart, 5-ish years later. I may be (harshly) realizing those so-called "friends" didn't actually care about me at all, from day one, or they've been disgustingly influenceable.

    Maybe it's because I'm just a delicate, sensitive bitch. I've lost that energy I used to have when it comes to everything social. It's as if I already know people are going to ignore me. I don't want to sound desperate (I probably do anyway, whatever), it's just social basics everyone is supposed to know, which I apparently no longer know.

    I asked once, and I was told I'm not active enough. Is it really the problem? Do I need to make a gazillion posts each day? Do I need to literally HARASS people and force them to talk to me on Skype/FB/Whatever? I don't want to! Maybe I'm still way too naive to expect people to simply have at least SOME interest to connect with me. Maybe I'm not enough into small talk?

    Is it my look? Do I just radiate the aura of a terribly uninteresting and boring person? Seriously, I would rather have people tell me if this is really the case. At least I could figure things out!

    But please, PLEASE, don't take this as whining, it's not. I'm just tired of this situation, the depressive kind of tired, and I want things to change. Plus whenever I'm told about all those people who fit in with no efforts, the truth strikes really hard. I'm still glad for them, don't get me wrong.

    This needed to come out. I feel a little better now C:

  2. #2
    ~Kupo~ Moogle's Avatar
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    Not sure what to suggest as far as your offline life goes, but regarding here I do think being more active would play a role in connecting with others. I don't just mean posting in (for example) the "What are you listening to" thread, but actually contributing thoughts and opinions with everyone - getting involved all over. Also some of your more recent posts have been centered around only yourself, and to be honest it's kinda hard to connect with someone who continuously does this. A good indication is to count the amount of "I's" you've used in a post and to think if you're actually posting for the other person's benefit or just yourself.

    Unsure of what else to tell you, I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble dealing with this stress though. We all feel it now and then, just have to roll with the punches.

  3. #3
    Senior Viciviser's Avatar
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    It can be tough to make real, lasting connections with people. It's even harder to do so online when everyone's a handle with an avatar, a persona, or completely anonymous (of course some people find this easier to socialize in but I'd question the authenticity of online friendships only based on a few common interests.)

    Anyway, activity isn't usually the important thing so much as what Moogle said. Sharing opinions. Being more interactive and engaging in that way. But another thing to not forget is you could have an artist or someone you like their art and characters, even their personality so you simply message them, "Hey I think you'd be a cool person to talk to. My Skype is _______ if that's good. Or what might be a better way to chat with you sometime?"
    Might be a lot of people to say no even... but it's always a shot. And those few yes's might turn into good friends.

    I'm not the best with figuring out ways to make friends myself. But overall attitude of being approachable, amiable, and willing to talk about whatever seems to help. I understand it can be hard to ever put yourself out there due to the fear of rejection or just being ignored even, but you have to build yourself up enough to be able to brush those things off and keep on.

  4. #4
    Junior jerry's Avatar
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    That sounds just about right, and surprisingly supportive!

    Considering this, I might very well simply have too high expectations or an inaccurate vision of socializing. Some of my childhood friendships lasted well into adolescence but otherwise I have made no new friends past age 12, only acquaintances. That very likely didn't help.

    School hasn't been easy at all in this regard. And after all those years you inevitably fall into a defensive, withdrawn mindset, at least if you're introverted, which is my case. The bullying was mostly name calling and gossip, nothing extremely nasty in appearance, but with time, being in a small town, it spread to a significant extent. It actually got to the point I was harassed by people I didn't even know. But those people definitely knew me and heard about me from someone else. Long story short, it destroyed the fragile self-esteem I may have had.

    Needless to say, there's no possible social life where I'm currently living. It's just not possible. That's why I think more than ever that moving to another area will be the best action I can do to make things change, despite all the potential hassle it may involve.

    I wouldn't say I FEAR rejection, because I'm actually used to it. I'm rather tired of failing. But ultimately the result is the same xD.

    That's part of the reason why I stick around this community. I usually leave if it doesn't feel worth it. But there's this unexplainable feeling that makes me stay in here. As if there is something successful waiting for me.

    One thing that may help with my self-esteem is the webcomic I'm preparing at the moment. I'm not 100% sure if the concept is that great but I don't think it's complete rubbish either. Same thing with my art. Not quite a chef-d'oeuvre, but I seem to improve as I draw more.

    So yeah, we all have our little downs at some point, and I just had one of them the other day. I don't usually complain this much. In fact I barely talk about those things. But keeping everything inside is such a bad idea. Some people screw up their health that way, both physical and mental. It's a bad habit of mine unfortunately, and it needs to go.

    Otherwise thanks for the feedback! ^_^ The good thing in those situations is that the least bit of support makes a difference.

 

 

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