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  1. #21
    Rattlesnake Flavored RedSavage's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeitzbach View Post
    Ahntrolan - Gine - Intermission 1 - Furniture
    Alright, so what we've got here is an intro to a story with a lot of detail--but not a whole lot happening quite yet. Just a lead in. But this in itself is not a bad thing, but it has to be handled in a way that sets it up. The goal here, as it seems to me, is to set up a series of vignettes of each of the characters in a way that establishes their character. Third person is fun like that. Yet, what we need are thorough, as well as interesting scenes that reveals something unique about the character. Maybe reveal something about them that becomes relevant later. Get in the head of the character and write it from the third as if it's in their voice.

    Think up a few scenes that establish some of the characters, and this will stick them in our head better than a list of who is who. That said, the set up in interesting--and fun! There's potential for interesting ensemble cast interaction that some people seem to avoid. Really play on that and give the characters a chance to grow with each other. Once you hone in on that, and smooth out some of the details, you can create an interesting and believable setting. Loosening up the dialogue will go a long way as well. Try not to explicitly state plot details. Make the conversation natural, flowing with all the randomness every day conversation does.

    All in all, something that could be expanded a bit, but has some really decent framework for an fun story about some interstellar folk on some killer adventures.

  2. #22
    Alright, I'll bite. We've been doing some exercises in my creative writing class, which relit my writing flame of sorts. I've done two character sketches so far, of somebody I want to use in the full-length short story I'm gonna write soon. So...if there's any huge holes or issues in the character, knowing now would be great c:

    This first one is us having a bonding conversation with our character. It doesn't really go well.

    And the second one is an exercise in dialogue by getting the character in an argument. Granted, because of the circumstances, he doesn't talk much, but ...whatever, that one was written when I was sleepy.

  3. #23
    Regular TheLexicon's Avatar
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    Right, my short story is so bad it's not worth remarking on. Sorry for wasting your time; I understand you could use the time for better purposes.

    It just occurred to me how petulant this post made me sound. Honestly, you don't have to critique it or anything. Everyone else seems to think it's a waste of time, so I'm simply warning you in advance, so that you don't make the same mistake.
    Last edited by TheLexicon; 01-30-2014 at 08:14 PM.

  4. #24
    Senior Zeitzbach's Avatar
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    Actions speak louder than word eh. I should be able to do that.

    Thanks. Gonna go crazy with the first chapter then.

  5. #25
    Rattlesnake Flavored RedSavage's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLexicon View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by TheLexicon View Post
    Right, my short story is so bad it's not worth remarking on. Sorry for wasting your time; I understand you could use the time for better purposes.
    It just occurred to me how petulant this post made me sound. Honestly, you don't have to critique it or anything. Everyone else seems to think it's a waste of time, so I'm simply warning you in advance, so that you don't make the same mistake.
    Right, man I'll be honest I simply missed your story as your comment caught the end of the page. I will be reviewing it in good faith.

    But let me take a moment to address your attitude. First off--don't take any of this to heart. I'm not put-off, annoyed, or inconvenienced in the slightest. In fact, I want to impart upon you that it's okay to sometimes feel ill or mal towards one's writing--but when you allow it to bring you down and prevent yourself to come forward in asking for review and critique in a confident manner, it becomes an issue.

    Don't feel bad about that either.

    Writing can be a very difficult thing to improve upon, which means everyone to an extent writes badly at one point. Everyone gets a brutal review in which every corner of the work is lampooned and ridiculed. Maybe not in the literal sense, but it certainly feels like it when you've put something down you thought was readable in a universal sense. Artists have a half-step advantage in that they can take one glance and compare it to other things visually in a relatively short amount of time (as for fixing it and making it look right--different story). Writers have to read to know how to write. This takes time. Writing takes time. And then having others read it takes more time. And then editing it is another process entirely.

    Writing can finitely differ from art in that most lit works are never done. Yes, they may be published, but even then, writers have been known to change and edit a story in subsequent editions. And if you ever write something that you're completely satisfied with on first run--you've either done something horribly wrong or have stagnated as a writer.

    So... what am I getting at?

    Don't see writing as a cycle of creating a completed work and having it judged in terms of "is it worth it". See writing as a process of change that never really stops. Feel completely confident in bringing forth a work to be slaughtered at the review block. A frame engineer for cars doesn't weep when his work gets wrecked during testing, he rejoices at the sections that held and makes note of tears and weaknesses elsewhere.

    I'm rambling, but I think you got the point. No work read is ever a waste of time. No matter how much a story is ripped on, there's great potential of an idea buried within. Don't feel nervous, but instead look forward to having errors pointed out. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you if you forgot a lug nut on your tire? Just remember that no matter how personally invested in a work you are, don't take the critique personally.


    That said, it'll probably be until next week before I can get deep into the story. Same with Icky's stories. Weekend is just a word to me--work calls.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeitzbach View Post
    Actions speak louder than word eh. I should be able to do that.

    Thanks. Gonna go crazy with the first chapter then.
    Definitely. But more so, it's the difference between passive and active narration and descriptions.

    Passive: John was angry and his hands began to shake.
    Active: Johns hands shook with anger.

    In other words, keep your verbs active. "Was sick" possesses less punch than "Sickened".

  6. #26
    Regular TheLexicon's Avatar
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    That was an awesome post. Sadly, that short story is most likely the best thing I ever wrote, and I'm practically incapable of a few aspects of writing that I need to know in order to be even mediocre at writing. So I'm going to love this and all potential future reviews.

  7. #27
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    Arriving a bit late to the party, but I'm in a cheeky mood and want to bug someone before going to bed ♪

    Been working on setting up this story for the past year and only got around writing the stuff. I've got the following prologue and first chapter written down in French and only got around to translate the former in English, so I only got this to show off right now. And before continuing with my writing, I want to get as much feedback as possible to adjust my writing and put out the best thing possible.

    https://www.weasyl.com/submission/45...davis-prologue

    Be honest, be brutal if need be, I won't mind ♫

  8. #28
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    Do you mind reading about macrophilia? I have a silly story that could use a review, especially on the characters. x:

    Lesse...

    https://www.weasyl.com/submission/39...ng-the-average

    Tear it apart!
    Check out my action-comedy series, The Stinger!

    https://www.weasyl.com/submissions?u...folderid=31474

  9.   This is the last staff post in this thread.   #29
    Rattlesnake Flavored RedSavage's Avatar
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    Okay--Haven't forgotten the thread. It's been a literal matter of time. However, I'm almost caught up... So I should have some spare time soon.

  10. #30
    Regular irick's Avatar
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    I've got a few. These are mostly navel gazing character studies, I'll admit... but... :

    Introspection in a Text File (my LaTeX Typesetting practice piece/ character study)
    Role Rehersal More character study
    Unnamed WIP, an attempt at more narrative driven events rather than a character study.

    On an aside, do let me know if the LaTeX typeset one seems any more readable to you. I'm currently weighing the investment in learning the language in terms of finished product. Here is just a plain ol submission of that story on Weasyl.
    We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.
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    I'm on furnet IRC! Please drop by irc.furnet.org's #hackerfurs and say hi.

 

 

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