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  Click here to go to the first staff post in this thread.   Thread: Gender Identity

  1. #391
    Quote Originally Posted by medacris View Post
    I know that when I look at myself, I don't see what I want to see....
    Woah, woah. You're right to think that you are and that you aren't. It's not easy, and shouldn't be. Thanks to new laws it is great time to be alive when you're non-binary/LGBT+, though the road is still tough. We are all still villainized by the world and you have to prepare for crisis when there will be no one there to back you up but yourself. You could even become homeless, and you need to be mentally/physically/and financially ready for that.

    No you're not insensitive by saying you might be dysphoric or anything related to Transgenderism. Everyone can have small bits of gender dysphoria and still not be transgender. Because Transgenderism is finally getting a voice there is an influx of confused people who think they might be, sit on it and talk to counselors/therapists to rule out your internal questions. Could take from months to years, the important key is not to rush.

    Words of advice, and this goes for anyone thinking they are "non-binary":
    • Google is your friend, look for a nearby therapist that is LGBT+ friendly and try to get appointments scheduled with them.
      If you live with your parents and they wont let you like mine did, just wait until you have your own job and can pay for appointments yourself.
    • If you're above the age of 13 and didn't really fully exhibit or understand what Transgender was until recently, keep it quiet except to your therapist. Remember that if you're loud about it, bad things can happen, like getting fired from your job.
    • This is an internal battle, only you can answer your own questions and therapists can help you find those questions you need to ask yourself. LGBT+ can be a hard life, you need to be sure it is necessary to step on it to find inner peace.
    • It's no one's business what your gender/or lack of gender is whatsoever. So when people ask, avoid telling them if you don't want them to know.
    • Its your body, its your mind, its your pace. Try to stay calm. If you DO end up being Transgender, don't feel weird if you don't want to go full boy. Gender is a spectrum, there are plenty of other Transppl who don't take Testosterone, dress male, or get mastectomies. It's what makes YOU feel right, and if you don't need the whole "package" don't pressure yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, YOU ARE NOT A BROKEN HUMAN.
    • If people wont call you by the name and pronouns you want, just try the name for now. For goodness sake if boys can call each other Scrappy and Godzilla affectionately they can call you by your chosen boy name or gtfo.
    • If you are going to bind and "pack", be sure to look up the dos and don'ts and ask those who are transitioning. Many ways of ye olde ways of binding are dangerous and can lead to death, so learn what's modern and best!
    • Be smart. Learn the laws for LGBT+ for where you live and the entire country and strive for a place to move to if you can't transition or be open in LGBT+-ness where you are. That includes your identity on the web. Make sure you are not exactly so easily traced by employers and others who are not supportive of the presence of anyone on the LGBT+ spectrum. Depending on your situation of who's around you, you may have to live a double-life for a while for as long as it's necessary.


    Also, if you aren't sure if you're Trans or not yet, I wouldn't worry about passing just yet (that's a bit too much pressure on yourself for a start doncha think?). Just wear the clothes that makes you comfy first before you hit those harder questions and feelings.
    Also you aren't just weaning yourself from girly things, you have to wean the people you live with that you are not into girly things. If you transition too fast and you don't want them to officially know just yet, they will freak out.

    Hope that wasn't too much/long. I'm actually starting to really get into the support side of Transgenderism now that I can both physically and financially, and can donate things and whatnot now the deeper I dive into transition. It's something I've always wanted to do, to give what I was never given, including a safe place to stay for the trans-homeless. To help others avoid what I went through and to not make the same mistakes. Also setting aside some of my art commission money to pay for the materials others transitioners/transformers need (namely binders). :3
    Last edited by VitalHEART; 07-23-2014 at 01:43 PM.

  2. #392
    Stepping out of character here.
    If I hadn't been able to have surgery I had every intention of checking out early in no uncertain terms. It was impossible for me to find any way to live as a male. I used up every excuse to live that way that I could including large amounts of drugs and alcohol to deaden the mental and emotional pain.

    I owned my home. Had a good job as a systems analyst and engineer with a prominent midwestern bank. Within 6 months of completing transition I had lost my house, my career and was sleeping in my car. Not a single friend lifted a finger to help me. I remained homeless for 7 years until 18 months ago to be precise. No I live in nearly complete isolation with no real close friends, not people that share my interests or values. No one that accepts me for what I am.
    Last edited by Auriel Kitsu; 07-25-2014 at 07:24 AM.

  3. #393
    Quote Originally Posted by Auriel Kitsu View Post
    Stepping out of character here.
    More like driving home the point of reality.
    Not many take to heart when they read, "You can lose everything, you're home, your family, and your finances if you choose such-and-such path," even when they see someone who has/is. I know too many who sound like they're in the same spot you were and am. It's a reality and it can't be taken lightly.

    Hope you find happiness Auriel. Sincerely.
    Last edited by VitalHEART; 07-25-2014 at 11:30 AM.

  4. #394
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    Quote Originally Posted by VitalHEART View Post
    Hope you find happiness Auriel. Sincerely.
    Thank you for the kindness of your thoughts.

  5. #395
    Joining in the encouragement for you, Auriel. You deserve to find happiness and a place in which you feel safe.

  6. #396
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    Quote Originally Posted by Auriel Kitsu View Post
    Stepping out of character here.
    If I hadn't been able to have surgery I had every intention of checking out early in no uncertain terms. It was impossible for me to find any way to live as a male. I used up every excuse to live that way that I could including large amounts of drugs and alcohol to deaden the mental and emotional pain.

    I owned my home. Had a good job as a systems analyst and engineer with a prominent midwestern bank. Within 6 months of completing transition I had lost my house, my career and was sleeping in my car. Not a single friend lifted a finger to help me. I remained homeless for 7 years until 18 months ago to be precise. No I live in nearly complete isolation with no real close friends, not people that share my interests or values. No one that accepts me for what I am.
    I'm so sorry that things have been difficult for you, Auriel.
    I feel naive because I had no idea things were still bad for trans people when it came to keeping jobs while outed!
    I knew that bullying and violence can happen, which is bad enough, but it's scary to know that being yourself can get you fired!

    I only have my sister calling me by my preferred pronouns within the privacy of my own home beyond website stuff like this and feel...bleh when I'm with other people and they're saying she/her and calling me a girl or lady.
    I was wanting to invest in a chest binder and try to be more open about my preferred pronouns, but that's not a very good idea for me, is it?
    I'm hopeful that I can at least be myself at home and possibly a daily therapy I go to, but beyond that I'll just have to accept people calling me a lady until things ideally get better.

  7. #397
    Quote Originally Posted by Raz View Post
    I'm so sorry that things have been difficult for you, Auriel.
    I feel naive because I had no idea things were still bad for trans people when it came to keeping jobs while outed!
    I knew that bullying and violence can happen, which is bad enough, but it's scary to know that being yourself can get you fired!

    I only have my sister calling me by my preferred pronouns within the privacy of my own home beyond website stuff like this and feel...bleh when I'm with other people and they're saying she/her and calling me a girl or lady.
    I was wanting to invest in a chest binder and try to be more open about my preferred pronouns, but that's not a very good idea for me, is it?
    I'm hopeful that I can at least be myself at home and possibly a daily therapy I go to, but beyond that I'll just have to accept people calling me a lady until things ideally get better.
    Trans Men seem to have a harder time coming to grips with their innate masculinity. I have one friend back east that pretty much has waited until his parents both died to even think seriously about transition. If I could have done that I would have to but for me the drive to live an authentic life as a woman was so strong that I couldn't live another day in Boy world. On the other side this isn't a race. You make it to the end of your driveway when you get there. The main road isn't going anywhere and it's better to take the time and map the course you are going to be taking.

    There are an incredible range of online resources on the interwebs for people that are curious about what it takes to transition. Most of them have been oriented for trans women but over the last couple of years a great deal more new stuff has been published to support trans men in their journey towards living an authentic life. If I can be of service to anyone here in the forums please don't hesitate to ask. I'm a very open and caring person by nature.

  8. #398
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    I'm currently working on my 7th degree, can't find work, and am borderline homeless. What's going on right now isn't too far off from genocide. It's just done through convoluted bureaucratic means coupled with broad cultural attitudes, rather than rifles, barbed wire fences, and gas chambers. It's also ambiguously intentional. So more like the Trail of Tears or the Great Irish or Chinese Famines. Somewhere between there and more clever/subtle bureaucratic genocides like Holodomir. I genuinely believe that violence is fully justified in this context, it's just hard finding proper targets in such an amorphous climate. I think trans people should stop living lives of quiet desperation and dying young and start taking up arms, though. Nothing is going to change until we're taken seriously and it's obvious that can't be done through dialog.

  9. #399
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    Yeah, I'm dead. Good work.

  10. #400
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    I don't believe that gender dysphoria or whatever culturally correct bullshit they call it these days should be an issue at all.

    That does not however mean I am going to ignore the wrongs clearly being done to intersex or dysphorics, because those wrongs violate that same rule of not making this an issue, as well as more important rules such as "don't fucking abuse people for stupid reasons".

    It pisses me off to see irrelevant statistics being used as weapons against anyone and everyone.

 

 

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