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  Click here to go to the first staff post in this thread.   Thread: Roommate Horror Stories

  1. #21
    Senior sassySloth's Avatar
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    sassySloth
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    Not too horrific, but I once walked in to both my roommates cooking naked in the kitchen. Whatever floats their boats I guess.

    Worse, when I was in college one of my roommates was dating this horribly loud, obnoxious guy. The worst part is that you could hear them having sex through the paper thin walls. Eugggh.
    Watch me swooce right in.

  2. #22
    Junior BlackStatic's Avatar
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    BlackStatic
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    When I first ever went overseas early this year, from Australia to New Zealand, my dad (Rest In Peace) and I got a houseshare with a Master Tenant I'll call Clean Freak.

    Clean Freak was... a very quiet and introverted guy, in his mid to late 20s. He lived in one of the western suburbs of Auckland in a three bedroom house with a massive dog the size of a small horse. The suburb itself was... not unpleasant, given New Zealand itself is a beautiful country, but what I couldn't understand was the power lines. Huge, massive electrical transmitters that went right down into peoples' back yards, and right into the neighbour's yard. The house was also backed right up against the motorway, so trucks could be heard driving past 24/7 with the electrical hum of phone lines above the back yard. It was an empty back yard as well, no trees.

    Either way, Clean Freak busted his ass to live here. He worked all day every day installing security cameras in shopping malls, a job that would seem high-paying in Australia but barely gave Clean Freak enough cash to pay for rent, let alone food. Clean Freak would never have any food in his fridge and only ate takeout - given that GST in New Zealand is so high and there's no "middleclass", Clean Freak sat in the area of "lowerclass westie" and it seemed strange given he looked like the kind of guy that would have a fair amount of money if he were in Australia. But a lot of his money went on his dog - the dog had a very strict diet - and the cleanliness of his house. Which had no furniture in it except for two beds (I slept on a couch cushions in the spare room) and one designer couch he kept spotless.

    So when we asked him what happened to his last roommate, he had said they needed to be kicked out for "being a grubby slob". We shrugged, assuming he was, but over time we started to realise that Clean Freak's house was... exceedingly clean. Not a single speck of dust, a single grain of sugar on the kitchen counter, the slightest fingerprint on the bathroom sink would go undetected. If Clean Freak saw something dirty, he'd blast it with a bottle of cleaning product and wipe the area down. Wanted to use the toilet? Protect your ass, Clean Freak wiped the seat with bleach last night. Want to use the shower? Wipe down all the drops from inside the bathtub and don't let a single strand of hair get in the plug. I have nothing against OCD, as I have friends who are diagnosed with it, but when someone is compulsive, they do get hard to live with. Clean Freak's cleanliness went so far as to wipe down the kitchen counter, bathroom and table first thing when he got home from work - even if the counter hadn't been used since yesterday.

    He also had a paranoia about saving money and reducing electricity bills. Given it was awkward enough tiptoeing around the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, if you left the kitchen for even a second after putting the toast on, and Clean Freak saw the toaster on the counter "unused", he would unplug it from the wall, turn off the power point and put the toaster back in the cupboard regardless if it had toast in it or not. It was a compulsive response of his where "the toaster is out, why's the toaster out? It's wasting electricity just sitting here turned on without being used, I'd better put it back in the cupboard for when someone does use it". This made using the kitchen when Clean Freak was around incredibly unsettling. He also unplugged the landline too, and never used anything but his mobile - whenever we had to use his phone (we had no NZ sim card yet) I had to wait in the driveway and call out to dad if I heard Clean Freak's car pulling into the street).

    He was passive aggressive about his orderliness too. Clean Freak would never actually say outright to us "can you please keep the kitchen clean", he would just go in and spray the entire area with cleaning product just after you'd used the kitchen, and then go back to his room. He also slept with his bedroom door open, which creeped the fuck out of dad.

    Clean Freak's Mother (I'll call her CFM) was stranger. She fit the category of ditzy blonde very well. CFM was talkative, chatty, and didn't seem to understand when people didn't want her around. I distinctly remember the first time she came around - Clean Freak was at work, and hadn't told anyone it was his birthday, so it seemed normal that his mother would drop round to bring a cake over. But after she dropped round, CFM waited in the loungeroom for him to get home. A little creepy, seeing as he wasn't getting off work until much later in the day. And on top of that, she was using Clean Freak's landline to call up her ex (Clean Freak's dad) and try to move back in with him. Ringing up huge phone bills for the day. Her friend also came over, uninvited by anyone, and kept trying to get CFM to move in with him. CFM couldn't even take the hint that this new guy, who shouldn't have even been in Clean Freak's House, was hitting on her hard.

    CFM also had this annoying habit of dropping in and then staying the night in her son's bed, making CFM sleep on the couch. She also went back and forth from her car constantly, locking and unlocking it whenever she forgot something, then going back to unlock it five minutes later only to lock the car again. The beep on the autolock was loud and inconsistent as well, so whenever you heard the first beep of her car in the driveway you knew it was going to be chaos. Clean Freak wanted absolutely nothing to do with her and hated her as much as we did.

    She even gatecrashed a very awkward party Clean Freak tried to hold for a friend of his, who was having a birthday. Clean Freak's friend, Birthday Girl, only had one friend Taxi Driver turn up and the other party guests were all just friends of Clean Freak's - they were Arrogant Cocky Guy, Flirty Taiwanese Girl and Brazilian Who Couldn't Speak English. The whole party was a flop, even before CFM turned up and - yes - stayed the night.

    It was almost a relief when Clean Freak's dad was moving back in and we were kicked out for "not being clean enough".
    Last edited by BlackStatic; 06-13-2014 at 10:29 AM.

 

 

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