View Full Version : Need critique on an OC im making

04-01-2015, 08:24 AM
https://cdn.weasyl.com/~lunaras13/submissions/933238/f91401c428d112d4d2f03813374255a38d0ca2a3105ea227e9 74eb2c9ffd3237/lunaras13-furu-tsubatto-wip-2.jpg

Want opinions on her in general, but specifically if her design seems too "cluttered"

Shes a ninja based around 2 different types of fox
a bit of the Fennec Fox https://41.media.tumblr.com/fa846b0dae58f1aab19d347abdbfd144/tumblr_mgfmziYnGW1qzfwx8o2_500.jpg
but more so the flying variety http://www.konicaminolta.com/kids/endangered_animals/library/sky/img/marianas-flying-fox_img01-l.jpg

Her name comes from Furutsubatto which is what google translate says is the Japanese word for fruit bat
Her color pallet is from the flying fox, dark skin with red hair(i think i used the eye dropper tool on that specific image to get that color of red).
Im thinking about giving her more pronounced ear tufts and making them a lighter shade.

this first WIP shows what i had made of her full body before realizing i should finalize the head before continuing to draw https://www.weasyl.com/submission/907935/furu-tsubatto-wip-1
she wears an open kimono with her arms sleeved giving her a look of bat wings

So my main concern is clutter. On her left side her hair is braided back to her ponytail while her right is just pulled back except one part that hangs down in the front. I'm afraid it is giving me the yu-gi-oh "OMG nobody has hair like that" vibe even though it doesn't defy gravity or anything. I know i want Asymmetry and i love the braid so should i just cut the hanging part? Can anyone think of something else interesting to do on that side that doesn't look too cluttered?

04-02-2015, 05:02 PM
My common sense guideline for clutter goes like this: if you have to draw this character several hundred times, (for a comic, say) are you going to get tired of of all the details after ten or twenty drawings? if so: it's too cluttered, if not, it's fine.

For the braid: For some reason, I always think braids are particularly suitable for warriors. I'm not familiar with Yu-Gi-Oh, but there's nothing about this character design that looks like it comes from one particular source. Braids show up in so many different works, this doesn't look derivative of any one particular source. My first thought was Greco-Roman art, actually. X3

Speaking as someone who has done a lot of medieval style fencing, and has an eighteen inch ponytail, I would tie it lower down, closer to the base of the skull or nape of the neck; high up like that, it'll bounce around more, and you end up whipping yourself in the face. FFT X3

Also: I have a few strands along my hairline that don't quite reach far back enough for my hairband to catch them, and they dangle in my face unless I tuck them behind my ear: they're really annoying. So, the forelock isn't just a yu-gi-oh thing, it's realistic. X3

Anyway: hope this helps some. Looking good so far. X3

04-03-2015, 03:58 AM
thx. I'll probably just have the other side pulled back for simplicity.

For the position of the ponytail i think im going to keep it where it is. As far as i know from the media, that is the traditional place people put it in feudal japan. Many of them had shorter hair that couldnt whip them in the face, but since her coat will be covering up her actual tail in most images i want her ponytail to look like a fox tail. I agree that if she was a European warrior instead of specifically a Ninja I would lower it though.

the Yu-Gi-Oh comment was less of an art style more of it being known for stupidly complex hairstyles

Using urs and friends suggestions i went in and made some edits as well as a 3/4ths view http://img05.deviantart.net/dad4/i/2015/092/0/2/furu_tsubatto_wip_3_by_lunaras13-d8o54nw.jpg

I think i ended up making her forelock be the start of the braid, so it's as if she parted her hair on her right and everything on the left became the braid. What are ur thoughts on taking the lime off her ponytail hairband and making it a hair clasp for her right side though?

I was never able to find reference images for a character that had animal ears, no human ears, and no hair covering up where the human ears would go though. Thinking about either taking out the hanging hair on her left or adding some on the right.

04-04-2015, 04:07 AM
I can't really comment on the clutter, but I do think you should heavily consider renaming your character.

Her name comes from Furutsubatto which is what google translate says is the Japanese word for fruit bat
That is literally "Fruit bat" said in a japanese accent. Unless you're intending for a pun, you should rename your character.

I'm not fluent in Japanese, but after some googling, I'm assuming that "bat" is a borrowed word from English, and so doesn't have it's own Japanese word. You might want to consider naming your character something like what is listed here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryukyu_flying_fox#Subspecies) if you want something foreign sounding that isn't a direct pun.

04-05-2015, 05:26 AM
I'll keep the name. Even if it is a pun it's a good sounding one. Furu sounds cute and Tsubatto sounds like a proper last name to me.

04-21-2015, 10:08 AM
I really like this version of your OC. The other one was kind of distracting especially with that piece sticking out of her hair. XD
Other than that I love her hair style and facial features. Do you have her costume design ready or no? Cause I can actually help you with that. :3 I'm becoming a good OC designer myself when it comes to costume making for the OC's interior designs. :D
Also, I got done with my Digital LineArt version of Ratigan if you'd like to see him? I'd say he looks better Digital rather than Traditionally drawn. XD

Anyways, if you need any help with your OC's I'll be glad to help. :)

04-22-2015, 09:44 PM
i have half her costume done.
Her top is a simple vest like shirt folded over, with long strips of cloth wrapped around her midrift area keeping it all together(looks kind of like a sleeveless kimono)
She then has a robe like coat that she wears as sleeves and it drapes down from the end of the arm section. If she stretches her arms out it kind of gives a bat wing look.

cant decide on pants or shoes though

Eagle GodHeart
04-23-2015, 08:02 AM
well on the clutter part it looks fine to me. i mean if youre just drawing some minor pictures every now and then up to possibly manga your fine. but if your doing anime then (unless you like drawing her alot) you may need to cut down on the details a littles. but the yu-gi-oh thing looks fine to me. so yeah on that i say that if you dont have to spend $500 on hair gel every week just to get the look then it doesnt look to yu-gi-oh-y to me.