PDA

View Full Version : Gender Identity



Pages : 1 [2]

ShadWolf
02-05-2014, 07:30 PM
I don't like to associate myself with the word trans, but I'm Bisexual, I would like to think I am Genderfluid, I'm a guy, but I'm currently on HRT, a well satisfied conscious decision to want to go on it, I didn't want to do through with psychological assessments, because of how strongly I felt about wanting to do it. I'm a good 4-5 months into it and how I feel about it hasn't changed or been swayed. I think being Genderfluid as I would like to put myself as, I can easily associate with any of the available pronouns (he / his / him„„ she / her / hers) also like to associate with (shi / hir / zers) pronouns, that part is really based from cuz of my fursona being a herm, but not really just because of that, but because I feel comfortable with being associated with those pronouns.

Littlered
02-05-2014, 08:03 PM
Well, I myself am gender fluid. I'm friends with a few trans-folks (sexuals and genders), and I think they're all lovely people. I just wish (like most people that I know) that society would remember that trans-folk exist, and not pretend that they didn't. I know transphobia is an even bigger thing than homophobia, and yet it gets glossed over and ignored by hoards upon hoards of people. I just don't understand.
~(ucu)~

ShadWolf
02-05-2014, 08:28 PM
Well, I myself am gender fluid. I'm friends with a few trans-folks (sexuals and genders), and I think they're all lovely people. I just wish (like most people that I know) that society would remember that trans-folk exist, and not pretend that they didn't. I know transphobia is an even bigger thing than homophobia, and yet it gets glossed over and ignored by hoards upon hoards of people. I just don't understand.
~(ucu)~

I hate the word homophobia just as much as the next person.

http://inourwordsblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/morgan-freeman.jpg

Damian
02-05-2014, 10:25 PM
This is what I've been told by trans friends. I don't understand it, it's completely fucking bizarre to me. Why is it that someone has to have lived as their desired gender for X amount of years to be able to get a masectomy/implants or HRT when a cisgender person can go in and get any sort of plastic surgery done on any day of the week, no questions asked?
A lot of people get plastic surgery done because they aren't satisfied with their bodies, they're self-conscious, why is it that trans people have to jump through so many hoops when they also suffer from being self-conscious to suicidal extents?

Uh, even when people are going in for implants, the doctors still have to let them be aware of any risks. Even if it's just something like Botox.

Transitioning is also a very big change. I don't understand why people are so against therapy beforehand. Especially the year living as the opposite gender. Sometimes it'd just be enough for that and hormones. I mean there's also the legal nonsense they'll have to go through as well.

Honestly I think comparing transitioning to plastic surgery is pretty demeaning for the trans community but that's just me.

Brace
02-05-2014, 10:37 PM
The real life test is mostly just a hazing ritual. I can agree with the therapy requirement but I don't think it should be a pre-req for HRT, it's just that HRT should be strongly discouraged if any flags appear after three months.

Gamedog
02-05-2014, 11:14 PM
Uh, even when people are going in for implants, the doctors still have to let them be aware of any risks. Even if it's just something like Botox.

Transitioning is also a very big change. I don't understand why people are so against therapy beforehand. Especially the year living as the opposite gender. Sometimes it'd just be enough for that and hormones. I mean there's also the legal nonsense they'll have to go through as well.

Honestly I think comparing transitioning to plastic surgery is pretty demeaning for the trans community but that's just me.
There's a difference between "let them be aware of any risks" and "you have to have been living as a female for X months or X years." (True story, trans friend had to go through that).

The issue I think people have with it is that you can be living as a male or female or whatever since you were 5 years old, and you are determined to go through with reassignment surgery only to be asked "have you lived as a female for X amount of years? It's a requirement."
Kind of like a slap in the face when you've been living as that gender for your entire life.

I'm sorry if you took that offensively, it wasn't meant to be.


The real life test is mostly just a hazing ritual. I can agree with the therapy requirement but I don't think it should be a pre-req for HRT, it's just that HRT should be strongly discouraged if any flags appear after three months.

Agreed..

piņardilla
02-06-2014, 05:09 AM
I hate the word homophobia just as much as the next person.

http://inourwordsblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/morgan-freeman.jpg

Homophobic dudes are afraid that gays will treat them in the same predatory manner in which they themselves treat women.

ViciousFishy
02-06-2014, 08:41 AM
Hello everyone!
I apologize for not explaining much about myself in precursor, but I'd like to share a bit of information on what I know and what I have experienced with trans* related issues.

1. The term 'transsexual' started in the medical community, and for the most part is used only there to this day. Using it outside of the medical or psychological field is...almost redundant. The umbrella term of 'transgender' usually fits the bill pretty well.
2. Gender Dysphoria as a concept in the medical and psychological community fits its purpose, but in the grand scheme of things is almost as useless as Transsexuality. The difference being that Gender Dysphoria was coined with the idea that not fitting one's birth sex was a disorder, but that it could be treated.

Pardon my minor tangent here, but I recently had a lovely conversation with a friend of mine who studied neurology in college, as well as psychology and linguistics. We're both avid about the latter of these three. The funny thing about the English language in particular is that it doesn't have a word for something that lies outside the spectrum of what is commonly expected, or the 'default' setting of the mind and body matching, and instead names the 'dysphoric' experiences as a psychological problem. Over the past few decades, great steps have been taken to turn the reaction to dysphoria from 'fixing the individual' to 'fixing the problem.'
Which is great, and also poses a bit of a problem.

Because we have a number of genderfluid individuals in here, I can say this with a great degree of confidence, I believe, though I expect, and respect any differing opinions on the matter. The gender binary is harmful. To what degree? Who can say, except perhaps women, be they cisgendered or transgendered. Men too, of course, due to the way society approaches gender roles, etc. But you all already knew that. So what am I trying to say here?
It's more than roles. It's the very way we look at people. We identify people: male or female, unconsciously, when we look at them. The English language has words for neutral genders, but law and medicine only recognize two genders, because it's all that can be seen.

Goodness. That was a longer tangent than I had meant! Pardon me. Back on track!

3. HRT, Evaluations, and the like. Psychological evaluations are necessary because there are irreversible effects when one takes hormones. Particularly if you are a FtM. Sadly, I cannot speak from the other side, as I know little of the effects of Estrogen on the male body, but what I can say is there are changes that will stick, and...to my knowledge will remain with you forever. It depends entirely on two things: how long you receive the treatment, and how your body reacts to the hormones. For example: the estimated time for changes in one's vocal pitch, such as breaking or cracking, for a FtM on T is about 3-4 months. My body was an interesting case, because it was lowering in my second week. One dose of testosterone, and my voice was changing. Most of the irreversible changes aren't ones that stand out as being problematic, more just irritating should the individual discover they in fact DO NOT want to go through with prolonged HRT.

When I received T, I was required to have a medical examination first. This was because one of the contraindications of treatment is familial history of heart disease. As well as uterine cancer, and Coronary Artery Disease. This isn't just 'you're going to grow more body hair'. Testosterone can have nasty effects on the body, but doesn't necessarily make itself known right away. It can increase your risk for heart problems. That's the most common side-effect. I was required to have a psychological examination because my dysphoria was tied to my at-the-time depression. Rules are usually developed because events have happened in the past that need to be prevented.

Lastly, the trans* community will be up-in-arms like any community will be up-in-arms with itself. This is a pervasive concept of differing ideas creating discord. The elder generation of trans* individuals faced quite a different situation than the younger did. What's more, is much like in the case with Lesbians, Bisexuals, Gays, etc. we are seeing more and more trans* individuals as it becomes more commonly accepted. Yes, there will be an influx of people who 'aren't really trans*' but this is okay, because in time, that too will become a thing of the past.
When we allow ourselves to listen, take notes, learn, and understand, then we will begin to see peace.
Furry, trans*, LGBT, Gamer, Feminist, it's all the same, just different aspects and issues within each.

Oh right. My name's Tom. Or (NotSo)ViciousFishy. Hey there!

Gamedog
02-06-2014, 12:10 PM
Thank you for the info, Tom :)
I heard that estrogen on the female body could be reversed over time, I remember being told this by people who were backing up a trans child who was going through HRT. When I expressed concern about how damaging I thought it would be to give a child who is going through puberty the opposite sex hormone, I was told that it wasn't too big of a deal and could be reversed if the kid went off of HRT.
It kind of didn't make sense to me but eh, they know more than I do about it all.

sassySloth
02-08-2014, 09:41 AM
I'm a Male (sex) and a Man (gender).

But I am bisexual and don't act particularly masculine.

Willow
02-08-2014, 12:31 PM
Pardon my minor tangent here, but I recently had a lovely conversation with a friend of mine who studied neurology in college, as well as psychology and linguistics. We're both avid about the latter of these three. The funny thing about the English language in particular is that it doesn't have a word for something that lies outside the spectrum of what is commonly expected, or the 'default' setting of the mind and body matching, and instead names the 'dysphoric' experiences as a psychological problem. Over the past few decades, great steps have been taken to turn the reaction to dysphoria from 'fixing the individual' to 'fixing the problem.'
Which is great, and also poses a bit of a problem.
I think the closest word in English to dysphoria is either exodus or deviation since they both mean to leave or be apart from (more or less). But gender deviation sounds weird and gender exodus sounds like you're going on a pilgrimage or something.


Because we have a number of genderfluid individuals in here, I can say this with a great degree of confidence, I believe, though I expect, and respect any differing opinions on the matter. The gender binary is harmful. To what degree? Who can say, except perhaps women, be they cisgendered or transgendered. Men too, of course, due to the way society approaches gender roles, etc. But you all already knew that. So what am I trying to say here?
It's more than roles. It's the very way we look at people. We identify people: male or female, unconsciously, when we look at them. The English language has words for neutral genders, but law and medicine only recognize two genders, because it's all that can be seen.
This is actually what the main focus of my English papers is. Or at least one of the focuses. I don't think the gender binary would be nearly as bad or problematic if people didn't try to enforce it so strictly and to be fair, the majority of people are pretty much fine with or won't see much of anything wrong with the current system. It's partly human nature that pretty much forces us to recognize a person as either male or female. Which is why people tend to find androgynous individuals interesting or feel uncomfortable so to speak.


Testosterone can have nasty effects on the body, but doesn't necessarily make itself known right away. It can increase your risk for heart problems. That's the most common side-effect. I was required to have a psychological examination because my dysphoria was tied to my at-the-time depression. Rules are usually developed because events have happened in the past that need to be prevented.
This is one of the reasons why I'm really wary of possibly starting T later. :c
I've no doubt it would be for the best but the side effects of it leave something to be desired.

ViciousFishy
02-08-2014, 12:32 PM
Thank you for the info, Tom :)
I heard that estrogen on the female body could be reversed over time, I remember being told this by people who were backing up a trans child who was going through HRT. When I expressed concern about how damaging I thought it would be to give a child who is going through puberty the opposite sex hormone, I was told that it wasn't too big of a deal and could be reversed if the kid went off of HRT.
It kind of didn't make sense to me but eh, they know more than I do about it all. I did a bit of reading and research to better address these concerns in particular. I hope this information helps.

Estrogen as used by transwomen (MtF) ultimately has less of an effect than Testosterone has on FtM. The reason for this might essentially lie in chromosomes, but for now let's leave that topic alone. It gets too confusing and dicey. Instead, I'll point out puberty. Puberty is 'when men become men and women become women' however, between the two, men typically undergo more changes than women.
So yes, there are a number of effects of Estrogen on the male body that can be 'reversed' as it were, over time. Those that are more problematic to change include breast development as well as infertility.

Unlike FtM, transwomen may find themselves needing to take anti-androgen in addition to estrogen. I do not know all the details on this one, so if we have any transwomen reading, I would love to hear your experience and I apologize for my lack of definite information.
For a pre-pubescent child, HRT is little different. In fact the earlier they start HRT, the easier it would be for them to develop a definite, comfortable, unambiguous gender. This isn't exactly a common occurrence though, and has to be taken seriously before action can be taken one way or another.

Sax
02-08-2014, 02:27 PM
As far as I know, no pre-pub kid is being given hormones like T or estrogens. Heck, it is unusual enough for teens below 18. They sometimes give them puberty blockers, which can then be stopped to allow the regular puberty to happen, or can be switched to T or estrogens if the teen still want them.
But, I don't like kids so I don't keep up to date on that particular slice of the trans/gender-variant population. Plus it can be so varied among countries. I think you have to look in holland for the youngest teens to hormonally transition, and thailand.
I only know here in france the youngest I know who started on hormones were 15yo.

blau
02-08-2014, 04:21 PM
Oh man there is some disgusting transphobia in this thread :/ disappointing.

ViciousFishy
02-09-2014, 01:06 PM
Oh man there is some disgusting transphobia in this thread :/ disappointing. Pardon me, this is going to sound very critical of me. I apologize beforehand.

But if you're pointing at something that's otherwise pretty obvious, you do little to change the situation.

"For every day you paint the war, take a week and paint the beauty." -Andrea Gibson, 'Evolution'

I'm not saying let's pretend like there aren't problems within and without the trans* community, but pointing out all of the disappointing commentary without giving a reason, or explaining why you think it's disgusting (Don't get me wrong, I understand) is borderline counter-productive.
Teach, don't preach.

doublefluffed
02-09-2014, 01:41 PM
Pardon me, this is going to sound very critical of me. I apologize beforehand.

But if you're pointing at something that's otherwise pretty obvious, you do little to change the situation.

"For every day you paint the war, take a week and paint the beauty." -Andrea Gibson, 'Evolution'

I'm not saying let's pretend like there aren't problems within and without the trans* community, but pointing out all of the disappointing commentary without giving a reason, or explaining why you think it's disgusting (Don't get me wrong, I understand) is borderline counter-productive.
Teach, don't preach.

the issue is that I am pretty sure this space was supposed to be for trans* people only and a lot of non trans* people came in to voice their "opinion". While I can say for 100% certainty that the trans* community has a plethora of problems like racism and classism, A lot of what I am sure they are complaining about are the amount of people trying to derail with stuff like "well I am not trans* but I think this" and even "you must be this trans* to count". As for your teach don't preach statement, The issue I have with that is not everyone has the energy to teach constantly. It is much easier to express ones frustrations than to educate another. Mostly due to a lot of peoples issue with wanting everyone to educate but not listening to anything that is said. I think the above comment labeling a lot of the nasty speech in this thread as "disgusting" is very justified. Just as justified as your response to their exclamation. Just remember that no one is free from criticism.

ViciousFishy
02-09-2014, 07:06 PM
the issue is that I am pretty sure this space was supposed to be for trans* people only and a lot of non trans* people came in to voice their "opinion". While I can say for 100% certainty that the trans* community has a plethora of problems like racism and classism, A lot of what I am sure they are complaining about are the amount of people trying to derail with stuff like "well I am not trans* but I think this" and even "you must be this trans* to count". As for your teach don't preach statement, The issue I have with that is not everyone has the energy to teach constantly. It is much easier to express ones frustrations than to educate another. Mostly due to a lot of peoples issue with wanting everyone to educate but not listening to anything that is said. I think the above comment labeling a lot of the nasty speech in this thread as "disgusting" is very justified. Just as justified as your response to their exclamation. Just remember that no one is free from criticism.

I see. Granted, I wasn't exactly ignorant to the reasoning to begin with, but, having it stated plainly is quite helpful.
Not just for me, but for those who get confused or up-in-arms about why trans* individuals or otherwise become upset about this dialogue, when their experiences are dismissed for a preference of over-arching rules that are only partially functional. However, as time goes on the Standards of Care will change, little by little, in attempts to become optimal. We are lucky that likely no one within this thread has an opinion that will influence those Standards of Care.

Cause the Rat
02-09-2014, 11:34 PM
Well, guess because I'm new here I can go back to the original subject of the thread and no one will think I'm ignoring all the science stuff. I am, but I'm new here so I'll get away with it. :)

I'm strait. However to use a buzz word I've heard I'm bi-romantic. Best described as accepting same sex romantic gestures without sexual intent. Thee is a comfort zone. I admit it's more relaxed with friends and people I like.

Rory
02-09-2014, 11:53 PM
Well, guess because I'm new here I can go back to the original subject of the thread and no one will think I'm ignoring all the science stuff. I am, but I'm new here so I'll get away with it. :)

I'm strait. However to use a buzz word I've heard I'm bi-romantic. Best described as accepting same sex romantic gestures without sexual intent. Thee is a comfort zone. I admit it's more relaxed with friends and people I like.

Hey Cause, just a heads up: this thread is not intended to discuss sexuality in general! Rather, it is meant to be a safe place for discussion on transgenderism and gender identity. Your intentions were honest, just we want to keep the discussion on here on-topic. :) Thanks!

Lucy Bones
02-10-2014, 12:21 AM
I made this thread for anyone to speak on and share and discuss their opinions. Non-trans people have opinions too, whether they be correct or not.

If you disagree with an opinion, talk about it. You can have civil debate without it turning into a dramafest.

Cause the Rat
02-10-2014, 12:55 AM
My bad. I stopped at the second question and really don't understand the last sentence. A real graybeard here.

And now to stay on topic. Yes I'm non-trans. It really has never bothered me. Admitting I've never known anyone. I'm old enough to honestly say I know myself. It someone I knew wanted to go threw surgery I would be supportive.

Willow
02-10-2014, 01:10 AM
Maybe I'm just weird like that, but I'd rather non-trans people share their opinions too so that way at least someone who does want to educate them if their opinions are wrong or misinformed can have a chance to change their attitudes as opposed to continuing to be misinformed. Sometimes trying to look for information on your own is really hard and people don't explain it very well. (I remember trying to Google Genderfluid/Gender Neutral when I was younger and practically every site I went to had a different definition).

It's easier for some people to understand if someone actively tries to explain it and answer any questions they have.

Like sure there are some people that won't listen but that's with anything.

Gamedog
02-10-2014, 03:26 AM
I made this thread for anyone to speak on and share and discuss their opinions. Non-trans people have opinions too, whether they be correct or not.

Thank you, Lucy Bones :)
I felt bad that I was kind of butting into this thread, and I understand why users may not feel like explaining something to someone such as myself, but I felt that it was better for me to ask for information on transgender issues and things like HRT in an area like here, because I know that I normally wouldn't get my head chewed off like I would on Tumblr lol.
I think I'll sit on the sidelines though and just gather information as I see it instead of asking all my questions though.

Lucy Bones
02-10-2014, 03:27 AM
Even if someone is ignorant to the feelings and rights of transgendered people, keeping them out isn't going to help them learn any better. :B

Krespo
02-10-2014, 11:02 AM
Even if someone is ignorant to the feelings and rights of transgendered people, keeping them out isn't going to help them learn any better. :B

Your last post had me all 'man, she's pretty cool' but this one makes me tear up. You are lovely ;~;

Lucy Bones
02-10-2014, 02:12 PM
Your last post had me all 'man, she's pretty cool' but this one makes me tear up. You are lovely ;~;

Why thank you. o:



All I really want to say is this is supposed to be a thread for discussion. Not a hugbox. You can't have real discussion or debate if everyone's riding your dick~

If some self-righteous, ignorant person comes in here saying "I think trans people are just mentally disturbed weirdos," then don't just stomp on his balls for being ignorant, educate the guy on exactly why he's wrong.

RKSparkster
02-12-2014, 01:33 PM
Tell that to the SJWs who want 99.4% of the world's population to be systematically exterminated simply for identifying as their biological gender.

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you.
I was worried Weasyl would become another Tumblr, saying "It's not my job to educate you" and then proceed to advocate genocide against cispeople and call it "venting" but I'm glad to see posts like this.

- - - Updated - - -

I remember seeing a YouTube video that classified being a crossdresser as part of the trans* umbrella. While the rest of the video was otherwise quite enlightening about the difference between trans and trans* I couldn't get past that part. I crossdress myself, but I am definitely cisgendered. Sometimes I've seen people throw around words like "genderqueer" for any sort of behavior that goes against the most outdated and sexist gender roles.

Lucy Bones
02-12-2014, 03:44 PM
My boobs are starting to hurt. o:

Willow
02-13-2014, 12:52 AM
I remember seeing a YouTube video that classified being a crossdresser as part of the trans* umbrella. While the rest of the video was otherwise quite enlightening about the difference between trans and trans* I couldn't get past that part. I crossdress myself, but I am definitely cisgendered. Sometimes I've seen people throw around words like "genderqueer" for any sort of behavior that goes against the most outdated and sexist gender roles.
tbh, I've lost track of what a lot of these words mean because their meanings tend to change around a lot. Which is ironic because this is my main focus for all of my English papers. ah well.

Crossdressing is kind of one of those things where you can't slap any label on it even though people keep trying to. tbh, I've always considered crossdressing more of a clothing preference than a statement about someone's identity. Anyone can do it but it doesn't always mean anything, I guess is another way of saying it.

As for the term genderqueer, if I'm not mistaken it has more to do with non-binary genders (i.e. agender/neutral, fluid, etc.) than people who deviate away from gender roles.

Krespo
02-13-2014, 04:22 PM
http://upw-prod-images.global.ssl.fastly.net/nugget/52f84d907522d95ada000001/attachments/chart-to-determine-whether-you-are-a-real-man-e06ddf0b55c27cf49908393f3c769a92.png

Gender identity, now in chart form!

Sax
02-13-2014, 07:31 PM
I'm partial myself to that related chart :)
http://leisureguy.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/girl-or-boy-toy.png

no_really
02-17-2014, 03:50 PM
guess who didn't read the thread!!! (yeah yeah it's rude to do that, i know)

my gender is a seeeekrit << >> even i'm not so sure.

but you can use whatever pronouns you want on me, as long as it doesn't get too confusing.

WillowMouse
02-17-2014, 05:49 PM
Tell that to the SJWs who want 99.4% of the world's population to be systematically exterminated simply for identifying as their biological gender.

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you.
I was worried Weasyl would become another Tumblr, saying "It's not my job to educate you" and then proceed to advocate genocide against cispeople and call it "venting" but I'm glad to see posts like this.

- - - Updated - - -

I remember seeing a YouTube video that classified being a crossdresser as part of the trans* umbrella. While the rest of the video was otherwise quite enlightening about the difference between trans and trans* I couldn't get past that part. I crossdress myself, but I am definitely cisgendered. Sometimes I've seen people throw around words like "genderqueer" for any sort of behavior that goes against the most outdated and sexist gender roles.

oh my god
I'll agree with you on the fact that crossdressing alone doesn't make someone trans, but that's it.

Lucy Bones
02-17-2014, 05:58 PM
You're only transgender if you say you are.

WillowMouse
02-17-2014, 08:14 PM
You're only transgender if you say you are.

I agree, I would have gone into a bit more detail if I wasn't gaping open mouthed at the inanity that someone could make the claim that 99.4% of "social justice warriors" want to exterminate people for "identifying as their biological gender" (gagging)
but whatever, I'm gonna pick my battles and not deal with this today

Matt Conner
02-17-2014, 08:19 PM
I agree, I would have gone into a bit more detail if I wasn't gaping open mouthed at the inanity that someone could make the claim that 99.4% of "social justice warriors" want to exterminate people for "identifying as their biological gender" (gagging)
but whatever, I'm gonna pick my battles and not deal with this today

"social justice warrior" has some pretty negative connotations in and of itself. When I hear that phrase, I picture the kind of person who would actually use the phrase "check your privilege", and thinks that stirring up the shit on tumblr and bullying people for not getting what they're so damn indignant about all the time is actually gonna help their cause, instead of just making transgender people look like immature pricks.

WillowMouse
02-17-2014, 08:25 PM
"social justice warrior" has some pretty negative connotations in and of itself. When I hear that phrase, I picture the kind of person who would actually use the phrase "check your privilege", and thinks that stirring up the shit on tumblr and bullying people for not getting what they're so damn indignant about all the time is actually gonna help their cause, instead of just making transgender people look like immature pricks.

I frequent tumblr and I've literally never heard someone un-ironically say "check your privilege" once. I have, however, seen people making posts where they explain exactly WHAT privilege/oppression dynamics ARE and how they work, which (as someone who studies sociology on a college level and is not speaking completely out of her ass) is more often than not, pretty reliable information depending on the source.Although, I've never found anyone who applied the term "social justice warrior" as an insult to people exactly willing to listen when it comes to that, they're usually to busy whining about how "people just hate them for being cis"

Matt Conner
02-17-2014, 09:15 PM
I frequent tumblr and I've literally never heard someone un-ironically say "check your privilege" once. I have, however, seen people making posts where they explain exactly WHAT privilege/oppression dynamics ARE and how they work, which (as someone who studies sociology on a college level and is not speaking completely out of her ass) is more often than not, pretty reliable information depending on the source.Although, I've never found anyone who applied the term "social justice warrior" as an insult to people exactly willing to listen when it comes to that, they're usually to busy whining about how "people just hate them for being cis"

I do not, and I'm not suggesting that what I'm saying is true, that's only my understanding of the term. I mean come on, "social justice warrior?" It just sounds ridiculous and silly. Social Justice isn't a freakin' battle.

WillowMouse
02-17-2014, 09:23 PM
I do not, and I'm not suggesting that what I'm saying is true, that's only my understanding of the term. I mean come on, "social justice warrior?" It just sounds ridiculous and silly. Social Justice isn't a freakin' battle.

oh trust me, it's a battle, a very tiring and exhausting battle. but I mean, we can't all be social justice warriors can we? that's just an unbalanced party! some of us need to be social justice white mages! and social justice bards! how are you ever gonna beat the boss with a group of just tanks?

Matt Conner
02-17-2014, 10:03 PM
oh trust me, it's a battle, a very tiring and exhausting battle. but I mean, we can't all be social justice warriors can we? that's just an unbalanced party! some of us need to be social justice white mages! and social justice bards! how are you ever gonna beat the boss with a group of just tanks?

You've got me there. I'd contribute to the joke but I don't know anything about MMORPGs either x3

WillowMouse
02-17-2014, 10:05 PM
You've got me there. I'd contribute to the joke but I don't know anything about MMORPGs either x3

I need to step away from the ffxiv.

piņardilla
02-18-2014, 04:34 PM
I'm not even sure how "social justice warrior" is even supposed to be insulting. Why, yes, you did catch me caring about inequality in the world we all have to live in and thinking it's something worth fighting to change. You got me, good job!

Matt Conner
02-18-2014, 05:13 PM
I'm not even sure how "social justice warrior" is even supposed to be insulting. Why, yes, you did catch me caring about inequality in the world we all have to live in and thinking it's something worth fighting to change. You got me, good job!

Why's it always have to be a fight? Or a war? Fighting for equality, war on terror, war on drugs. Maybe I've got too much faith in humanity still, but I think causes like social justice deserve a bit more of a rational approach. Any group of extremists who's out there making asses of themselves are only doing harm to their own cause. Radical feminists and Occupy protestors are a prime example of this.

Gamedog
02-18-2014, 06:36 PM
I'm not even sure how "social justice warrior" is even supposed to be insulting. Why, yes, you did catch me caring about inequality in the world we all have to live in and thinking it's something worth fighting to change. You got me, good job!

"Social Justice Warrior" is not an insult to those who identify as one, it's an insult when said by anybody who isn't one. This is because Social Justice Warriors are radicalists 99% of the time and aggressively force their radical and insane views down everyone's throats.
That's why it's called a Social Justice Warrior.

That's kind of like asking why PETA, ALF, ELF, etc are hated by a lot of people - is it wrong to want to save the little animals? :(


http://upw-prod-images.global.ssl.fastly.net/nugget/52f84d907522d95ada000001/attachments/chart-to-determine-whether-you-are-a-real-man-e06ddf0b55c27cf49908393f3c769a92.png

Gender identity, now in chart form!
I'm a little confused by the branch saying "This person is a child". Children can be trans as well..?

Krespo
02-18-2014, 08:49 PM
I'm a little confused by the branch saying "This person is a child". Children can be trans as well..?

I think it's going for 'boy' there. Transppl still have to grow up too!

piņardilla
02-18-2014, 09:26 PM
Why's it always have to be a fight? Or a war? Fighting for equality, war on terror, war on drugs. Maybe I've got too much faith in humanity still, but I think causes like social justice deserve a bit more of a rational approach. Any group of extremists who's out there making asses of themselves are only doing harm to their own cause. Radical feminists and Occupy protestors are a prime example of this.

"Fight" only in the figurative sense. It wouldn't be a fight if there wasn't a disappointingly sizable opposition to equality and human rights.

Your use of two groups that have been largely defined by the demonization efforts of their opponents as examples is rather apropos, however.


"Social Justice Warrior" is not an insult to those who identify as one, it's an insult when said by anybody who isn't one. This is because Social Justice Warriors are radicalists 99% of the time and aggressively force their radical and insane views down everyone's throats.
That's why it's called a Social Justice Warrior.

Nobody identifies as a "Social Justice Warrior", though. It's not like an MRA, where that was something they chose to call themselves. It was invented by the same people that thought "Feminazi" was a clever turn of phrase for making people think that feminists are radicalists 99% of the time and aggressively force radical and insane views down everyone's throats.

Lucy Bones
02-18-2014, 09:31 PM
I've been getting a bit more emotionally delicate after my first month of HRT.

Been crying over things I normally wouldn't cry over.

Damian
02-18-2014, 09:33 PM
I agree, I would have gone into a bit more detail if I wasn't gaping open mouthed at the inanity that someone could make the claim that 99.4% of "social justice warriors" want to exterminate people for "identifying as their biological gender" (gagging)
but whatever, I'm gonna pick my battles and not deal with this today

You have it backwards.

Willow
02-18-2014, 09:46 PM
Social justice warrior is essentially the same as calling someone a militant vegan. They may have a good cause, but they're going about it in all the wrong ways. And make everyone else look bad in the process.


I've been getting a bit more emotionally delicate after my first month of HRT.

Been crying over things I normally wouldn't cry over.

Welcome 2 estrogen :v
I think eating chocolate helps with mood so maybe try that? Though I'm sure it gets better with time.

Gamedog
02-18-2014, 09:52 PM
Nobody identifies as a "Social Justice Warrior", though.

Social justice warrior is essentially the same as calling someone a militant vegan.

You guys haven't been on the internet for long, have you?
@Willow: Militant vegans identify as such. I've seen them call themselves radvegans, and I've seen SJW call themselves as such.


@LucyBones: Chocolate, all of the chocolate

lorenith
02-18-2014, 11:17 PM
+1 on the chocolate, make sure it's the good stuff though so you don't have to eat a bunch at once, it's like a nice treat and self care all at once!


If you like dark chocolate (or even if you don't) you stand to gain the most from that on mood is my understanding.

WillowMouse
02-19-2014, 01:15 PM
lmao at people who think that just because a group is "radical" or "militant" that they're bad.

TBH a lot of the deriding people who are a little bit more vocal or abrasive with their pursuit of "social justice" is a form of tone policing, it's a way of pointing at people who are frustrated and done with being treated like crap and going "well maybe if you were NICER you wouldn't get that!" and it's complete BS. all of us have tried the being nice and educating route at some point or another, and for a lot of people it doesn't work, and only opens them up to more abuse. So yeah, some people are gonna be mad and harbor resentment for the groups of people who are perpetuating this, and complicit in it.

Lucy Bones
02-19-2014, 03:51 PM
But I have stomach problems. If I eat a bunch of chocolate I'll get sick. DDDD;

lorenith
02-19-2014, 04:14 PM
But I have stomach problems. If I eat a bunch of chocolate I'll get sick. DDDD;

What sort of stomach problems? Maybe we can find an alternative happyness food.

I've seen talk of bananas being good too for a mood booster. (I wouldn't know as I hate bananas).

If it's IBS a small amount of expensive chocolate should be ok without irritating your bowels/stomach.

Lucy Bones
02-19-2014, 04:16 PM
I talked to my doctor about it, it may be a form of acid reflux.

Coincidentally, one of the T-blockers I'm going to start taking soon is meant for intestinal issues like my own. -w-

lorenith
02-19-2014, 04:52 PM
Ahh yeah chocolate and acid reflux aren't a good mix.

I think you should also talk to your doctor about your moods and maybe some foods you can eat for moods that won't have any potentially bad interactions between foods and medicines. (I looked up T-Blockers and see that they increase potassium, so maybe the bananas might not be good I dunno?)

I've only got IBS to contend with, and most of the foods that have been suggested for me moodwise has been stuff high in potassium like potatoes and honeydew. The honeydew would likely irritate your GERD, but if it is permissible to eat things with a good amount of potassium, and you don't like bananas potatoes may do well also.

WillowMouse
02-19-2014, 04:55 PM
I really like dehydrated fruit, like mangos or whatever. maybe try that?

Lucy Bones
02-19-2014, 05:06 PM
Yeah, it's been literally years since I was last able to wake up in the morning without feeling physically sick. I'm hoping these meds will help...

Willow
02-19-2014, 09:00 PM
TBH a lot of the deriding people who are a little bit more vocal or abrasive with their pursuit of "social justice" is a form of tone policing, it's a way of pointing at people who are frustrated and done with being treated like crap and going "well maybe if you were NICER you wouldn't get that!" and it's complete BS.
I think what most everyone forgets is that you can't expect people to just overnight understand every little thing about being trans*. They won't. It's not about being "nicer" to your oppressors but harboring hatred kind of doesn't help either. Not saying everyone needs to constantly educate or anything but seriously, no one can ignore the glaring problems we've created.

It's like we've closed off any opportunity for dialogue even amongst ourselves because all anyone ever wants is for people to go along with their opinions and not actually challenge them. We want all the nice parts of social justice without wanting to put in the work and that's not progressive at all.


But I have stomach problems. If I eat a bunch of chocolate I'll get sick. DDDD;
Exercise maybe? In addition to the other food suggestions.

piņardilla
02-19-2014, 10:18 PM
I think what most everyone forgets is that you can't expect people to just overnight understand every little thing about being trans*. They won't. It's not about being "nicer" to your oppressors but harboring hatred kind of doesn't help either. Not saying everyone needs to constantly educate or anything but seriously, no one can ignore the glaring problems we've created.

It's an entirely understandable human reaction for trans people to be frustrated by the often-willful ignorance they face from the opposition, and they shouldn't be demonized for it.

(same goes for feminists, anti-racists, etc.)

WillowMouse
02-19-2014, 11:35 PM
It's an entirely understandable human reaction for trans people to be frustrated by the often-willful ignorance they face from the opposition, and they shouldn't be demonized for it.

(same goes for feminists, anti-racists, etc.)

exactly! and plus, you can't expect every trans people to have the capability, the energy, or the time to educate those who genuinely DO want to be educated, and that involves weeding through the people who claim to want to be educated as a way of trolling. like there are places where these issues are discussed that you can find with a simple internet search.

Matt Conner
02-19-2014, 11:55 PM
like there are places where these issues are discussed that you can find with a simple internet search.

The problem with this is that most people search to reinforce their current opinion rather than look for new information. Most run of the mill folks aren't really curious about transexuals and gender-fluid people, they just hear about it somewhere and go "that's weird" and move on with their lives.

lorenith
02-20-2014, 12:00 AM
Yeah, it's been literally years since I was last able to wake up in the morning without feeling physically sick. I'm hoping these meds will help...

Yeah I understand that, I don't have GERD but my IBS can be extremely painful and draining when it's acting up.

The only other thing I can suggest is drink more water, add some extra greens (bok choi, kale, ect) to your diet but make sure to cook them good and chew them thoroughly cause they can be hard to digest.Try to eat more fruit if you don't already. I assume that you are aware of what food and actions will set off your particular stomach issues, and what you can consume in conjunction with your medicine. These are all things my councilor has suggested to me for managing both my depression/anxiety and for managing my IBS so I hope that maybe the information can also be of help to you.

Willow
02-20-2014, 12:12 AM
The problem with this is that most people search to reinforce their current opinion rather than look for new information. Most run of the mill folks aren't really curious about transexuals and gender-fluid people, they just hear about it somewhere and go "that's weird" and move on with their lives.
Kind of. I think most people are curious and willing to learn, contrary to popular belief, but it's a delicate topic and kind of hard to approach. And cis people talking to cis people can only say so much.

And google searches are kind of meh. You usually can't ask the website so if you don't understand something, you're kind of screwed.
Seek out discussion groups? Good luck.


Yeah I understand that, I don't have GERD but my IBS can be extremely painful and draining when it's acting up.
Tums or any chewable antacid works pretty well for controlling GERD if that turns out to be the problem.

lorenith
02-20-2014, 01:08 AM
Tums or any chewable antacid works pretty well for controlling GERD if that turns out to be the problem.

That really does depend on how bad the GERD is, antacids aren't a good long term solution. Either way I'm more trying to address Lucies moods without upsetting the GERD. I've found that ones diet can go a really long way to helping pull ones mood up a bit.




(I am deliberately not engaging in the other conversation going on because I am ignorant and am afraid of causing offense).

Krespo
02-20-2014, 01:17 AM
(I am deliberately not engaging in the other conversation going on because I am ignorant and am afraid of causing offense).

I get where you're coming from but not engaging means you remain ignorant. Dont be afraid to cause a little offence now if it leads to greater understanding later.

Willow
02-20-2014, 01:22 AM
That really does depend on how bad the GERD is, antacids aren't a good long term solution. Either way I'm more trying to address Lucies moods without upsetting the GERD. I've found that ones diet can go a really long way to helping pull ones mood up a bit.
This is true. I was originally going to say omeprazole or any other reflux pill but I have no clue how they react with the blockers and stuff. The antacids would only be temporary or for like, when heartburn is actually happening. I can't imagine waking up sick is much fun.

===Update===

Any other time I'd say to go flood my inbox with questions or something, but I'm getting ready for bed.

lorenith
02-20-2014, 02:28 AM
I get where you're coming from but not engaging means you remain ignorant. Dont be afraid to cause a little offence now if it leads to greater understanding later.

I do at least make an effort to read up and things. It's an issue I've always been somewhat aware of, but has come to the forefront in the past year and I've been trying to learn more about it. I may not be comfortable talking too much about it, but I can say that I do advocate for equal rights and proper treatment. It's actually one of the reasons I had to quite my job, cause one of my co-workers had a phobia, and I set him straight on some things. Which led to him deciding he had to do everything he could to make me feel uncomfortable and unsafe.

BlueCoati
02-23-2014, 02:53 AM
I am AFAB genderqueer :3 hello everyone~

Lucy Bones
02-23-2014, 02:23 PM
That feeling when you're cuddling a furry you've cuddled for a while and he gropes your chest because he's used to you being a guy and it makes you moan like he's fondling your crotch.

Krespo
02-23-2014, 02:36 PM
That feeling when you're cuddling a furry you've cuddled for a while and he gropes your chest because he's used to you being a guy and it makes you moan like he's fondling your crotch.

that's... really something .///.

ASTA
02-23-2014, 03:36 PM
This forum needs a This button pronto.

Lucy Bones
02-23-2014, 03:59 PM
I feel like I've been getting even flirtier than usual.

Does anybody know if that's common for MtF people beginning HRT?

Rory
02-23-2014, 05:22 PM
That feeling when you're cuddling a furry you've cuddled for a while and he gropes your chest because he's used to you being a guy and it makes you moan like he's fondling your crotch.

Holy hell. Narrate me a story sometime. As to your other question, I don't exactly know for your situation, but my FtM friend who's been on HRT for a few years seems to go nuts in that way with every shot he gets. Not sure if it works both ways.

Lucy Bones
02-23-2014, 05:31 PM
It's not really that I want sex, I just really enjoy the flirting itself, really. I love the teasing and the cuddling and all that cute stuff. If sex happens afterwards though, sounds good. o:

Term
02-23-2014, 08:38 PM
Just a quick reminder to keep things PG-13 folks.

Lucy Bones
02-23-2014, 08:59 PM
No fun~

Anyway, question for some of the TG people who may read this thread... What made you choose the particular name you chose to transition to?

I picked the name Lucy as it was a nickname a lot of people in high school called me, based on the first two syllables of my surname. That being said, I am also going to change my surname to avoid having too goofy a sounding name.

Sax
02-24-2014, 05:22 AM
In france you are kinda restricted to names that already exist, (and it's already as is a big enough legal procedure) so although I toyed with the idea of picking out "sax", I just picked a name I liked and that wouldn't have been out of place for someone my age.
It's the name of a guy I was in love with in high-school. I went through 3 or 4 names through my teen years before picking the current one.
Amusingly, it's a very common name in the part of france I now live in (bretagne), so, since my last name also sounds very 'breton", I pass as someone native to the area even though I was born and raised in unrelated regions.
It's been 8 years since my legal name and gender change and I still flinch if I hear my birth name, because even before I saw myself as trans, I hated it. >_<

Willow
02-24-2014, 08:47 AM
I..actually haven't chosen a name yet but I have a few in mind.

Most everyone addresses me by a "school" name though so like the only time I ever really use my birth name anymore is when I'm filling out applications. And my school name is pretty neutral on its own so I see no need to give another one too. Though it's still really awkward when teachers call me by anything else.

Ironically enough, my birth name is derived from the Greek word for "man".

Lucy Bones
02-24-2014, 02:56 PM
While I don't hate my birth name, I feel utterly no attachment to it.

My first name was Thomas, often shortened to "Tommy."

My last name is incredibly Italian.

When people say my birth name I sound like I'm some sort of Sicilian mobster. "Ey, Tommy, whannabitea my cannoli?"

Carnau
02-24-2014, 07:14 PM
I went with the name Riley because I found it edgy, simple and I've always loved it. Like my current name it's not that common (Natasha.)
I may not be trans but I do identify as gender queer and I like keeping in touch with my inner man all day e'ry day. It's a good one and I like it a lot. You guys can still call me by my username however, it doesn't really matter heh.

It's kind of a milestone since finding a name can be a deeply philosophical journey, and your name could determine the outcome of your future in certain ways. It's not as clear cut as most people would assume. Took me a couple years, and parents even take a long time deciding on names for their babies too.

WillowMouse
02-27-2014, 06:24 AM
I chose "Willow" because it was already what my fursona was called and I was like "yeah this works"

dirtypaws
02-28-2014, 03:06 AM
i went by "Harley" for a long time because i just found the name cute but confident, and i really wanted a name that sounded confident...but i decided later to make that a middle name that people can still call me and made my first name "Nico" just because i think it's beautiful. i mixed those two because i want to feel beautiful and confident, and i think it was a good start.

Lucy Bones
02-28-2014, 03:37 AM
Oh my goodness, Harley!

I haven't seen you in so long. D:

dirtypaws
02-28-2014, 03:55 AM
Oh my goodness, Harley!

I haven't seen you in so long. D:

i come and go! this place is pretty slow so, while i check this forum every day, i only post sometimes.

Lucy Bones
02-28-2014, 03:56 AM
i come and go! this place is pretty slow so, while i check this forum every day, i only post sometimes.

You and I used to talk on AIM sometimes and stuff. I went by Ahkmill and I was a Weavile then.

Do you remember me? :<

dirtypaws
02-28-2014, 04:13 AM
You and I used to talk on AIM sometimes and stuff. I went by Ahkmill and I was a Weavile then.

Do you remember me? :<

i remember Ahkmill! <3

Lucy Bones
02-28-2014, 04:19 AM
We should totally get back in contact! I mean, if that's cool with you! .w.

dirtypaws
02-28-2014, 04:42 AM
We should totally get back in contact! I mean, if that's cool with you! .w.

ABSOLUTELY IT IS! i use skype and FA and tumblr!

lorenith
03-05-2014, 02:43 PM
So I have a weird genderish question.

Are there situations where it would be deemed offensive to address a group as "you guys" ?

My instructor seems to be worried that he is offending me whenever he says "you guys". And I reassured him that it doesn't bother me, but he's still uncomfortable about it.

Now obviously "you guys" is his default way of addressing groups, maybe in part because he's spent the past 10-20 years teaching a profession that is largely male dominated. So maybe he's just trying to be courteous, and he feels he is being discourteous to lump me in with the rest of the guys? I don't really know. But I wish he'd get over it, I rather be seen as one of the guys, rather than having my femaleness made a deal of. So I do kind of want to talk to him about it to try to get him to stop feeling uncomfortable, I feel it's disruptive to the class, and I am also kind of uncomfortable with him drawing attention to the fact that I am female, even if it's by accident.

Anyone got some thoughts or insight on this? Am I thinking too hard on this? Am I being crazy, am I even asking this in the right thread?

Tiido
03-05-2014, 03:10 PM
I refer to groups as "people", and in the furry circles I refer to the group as "creatures" (there's no better translation to the Estonian word "elukad"). Nobody has objected, so I think it works.

Lucy Bones
03-05-2014, 04:06 PM
I've never really been offended by "You guys," since it tends to be used for all genders.

People still call me "dude" and I don't really care. :U

piņardilla
03-06-2014, 05:06 AM
I think "dude" is becoming less gendered. I address ciswomen as "dude" sometimes.

Krespo
03-06-2014, 05:47 AM
I address everyone as 'yer wan' or 'yerself'. My uncultured slang is surprisingly gender neutral.

Matt Conner
03-06-2014, 06:24 AM
I address everyone as 'yer wan' or 'yerself'. My uncultured slang is surprisingly gender neutral.

Fun fact: Native Finns correct me if I'm wrong, but in the finnish language there aren't any gender specific pronouns. There's "hän" for people and "se" for everything else, and in spoken finnish "se" can be used to refer to any object, even a person without creating offense, so the issue of what to call somebody who identifies to an alternative gender or has had a gender change couldn't even occur if you wanted it to. There's still gender nouns of course, so complications might arise when you're describing the person, but yay, no awkwardness or accidental insults in casual conversation!

also wheee, hundredth post!

lorenith
03-06-2014, 07:58 AM
I suppose it'll just be a mystery why my instructor is so uncomfortable addressing us all as "you guys". Maybe he should say "yall" or something, heh.

Krespo
03-06-2014, 08:14 AM
I suppose it'll just be a mystery why my instructor is so uncomfortable addressing us all as "you guys". Maybe he should say "yall" or something, heh.

There's "Ye's", "Yous" and "Ye's'uns" too :3

Willow
03-07-2014, 08:55 AM
I suppose it'll just be a mystery why my instructor is so uncomfortable addressing us all as "you guys". Maybe he should say "yall" or something, heh.
I'm guessing he's an older teacher in which case, I guess he still thinks "guys" is a strictly male thing and you're the one being courteous. And because there are some people who get really, REALLY pissed off if you say "you guys" or "dude" to them. Those are my guesses.

You guys really isn't that offensive though unless you're weird and take everything literally. "You people" on the other hand..no one uses that unless they want to generalize a group of people.

Carnau
03-07-2014, 10:57 AM
I'm guessing he's an older teacher in which case, I guess he still thinks "guys" is a strictly male thing and you're the one being courteous. And because there are some people who get really, REALLY pissed off if you say "you guys" or "dude" to them. Those are my guesses.

You guys really isn't that offensive though unless you're weird and take everything literally. "You people" on the other hand..no one uses that unless they want to generalize a group of people.

People who overreact to hearing "you guys" or "dude" aren't justified in feeling that way, they're just douche bags. And if it makes them feel any better, having douche bag traits is gender neutral :thumbsup:

lorenith
03-07-2014, 02:38 PM
Yeah he is and older fellow, I suppose that's probably it. He seems to have gotten past it, or changed his speech habits cause I haven't noticed him getting visibly uncomfortable the past two days.

I hope that he's just showing his age (Only 65, so not really that old), and that someone didn't get mad at him for saying "you guys" in the past, cause that would really suck for him. :(

Lucy Bones
03-19-2014, 06:20 PM
So... are there training bras that would fit a full-grown girl like myself with a newly growing chest?

Damian
03-19-2014, 06:31 PM
Why not just sports bras or regular bras according to chest and cup size?

I always thought training bras were pointless as a kid >_>

Lucy Bones
03-19-2014, 06:33 PM
Hmm, well, I don't really know. I'm so new to all of this stuff. x.x

I'm going to start needing SOME kind of bra, soon. These shirts are really starting to hurt. >.<

Gamedog
03-19-2014, 07:44 PM
I think training bras are mostly pointless. For girls who haven't yet grown into an actual bra, and thus don't.. really need one lol.
I would say go for the smallest bra size available? That's an A-size, right?

lorenith
03-19-2014, 07:46 PM
I think you might have trouble finding training bras that fit properly, but it wouldn't hurt to try. I imagine your biggest problem will be finding one that is big enough around for you while also having a cup size that is right for you. You should be able to find normal bras that work just as well as a training bra.

In what way are your shirts starting to hurt you though? Is it just general tenderness or is it your nipples that are hurting? I'm going to guess.. since you're talking about training bras that it's probably your nipples chaffing? If you can't find any bras that work for you, pasties, or even just cloth medical tape should help. I've known people that will use medical tape for their nipples if they are having trouble with them getting chapped and things like that.

I feel a little hesitant to suggest sports bras, because if your breasts are tender a sports bra is going to squeeze you and make them hurt more.

Lucy Bones
03-19-2014, 07:51 PM
I think you might have trouble finding training bras that fit properly, but it wouldn't hurt to try. I imagine your biggest problem will be finding one that is big enough around for you while also having a cup size that is right for you. You should be able to find normal bras that work just as well as a training bra.

In what way are your shirts starting to hurt you though? Is it just general tenderness or is it your nipples that are hurting? I'm going to guess.. since you're talking about training bras that it's probably your nipples chaffing? If you can't find any bras that work for you, pasties, or even just cloth medical tape should help. I've known people that will use medical tape for their nipples if they are having trouble with them getting chapped and things like that.

I feel a little hesitant to suggest sports bras, because if your breasts are tender a sports bra is going to squeeze you and make them hurt more.

It's more the nipples that are tender. Not to mention they're starting to get to the size to were they are becoming noticeable breasts, and I can't just let those flop around. I really just need something that'll help me get through this breast development, just like any other girl going through puberty.

lorenith
03-19-2014, 08:21 PM
There isn't really anything special about training bras that you can't also get from a normal bra, other than they are small and sometimes lack cups. But both are meant to offer support, and protect the nipples (and ones modesty I suppose). I'd argue you'd probably be better off trying to get an actual bra for yourself because you can have more control of the sizeing, whereas training bras are a little more like socks or underwear in their sizing.

Also I wish you luck with the bras in general, it's really hard to find bras that are comfortable and fit right. If you are able you might try to get one custom tailored for you, I've heard that it's pretty heavenly. (from people who wear bras anyway, I think I've worn a bra all of 3 times in my life...I tend to stick with undershirts).

Lucy Bones
03-19-2014, 08:24 PM
Yeah, like, I appreciate the help. Like I said, I really don't know about this bra stuff... I don't know the difference between training bras and normal bras and stuff...

Gamedog
03-19-2014, 08:25 PM
Based on what I found Googling, it appears that a training bra is mostly a "rite of passage" for young girls? There's no padding, IIRC, it's like a sports bra I think?

However, I found this: http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=87011.0
Not sure if it will help or not but: https://www.ahhbra.com/indexoms.html
(https://www.ahhbra.com/indexoms.html)
Apparently a bra with padding will help? This is a guide on sizing if you need it for a normal bra: http://sameatschildren.tumblr.com/post/45962915522/do-it-now-guide-to-proper-bra-fit-and-measuring


I also found this linked a while ago on Tumblr and figure it might be useful for any FtM here: http://www.ajointth.com/shopping.html

Lucy Bones
03-19-2014, 08:28 PM
You guys are awesome and I love you.

Willow
03-20-2014, 12:41 AM
I also found this linked a while ago on Tumblr and figure it might be useful for any FtM here: http://www.ajointth.com/shopping.html
Those undies look really nice, but I don't think I could ever justify buying $30 underwear. :I

I do need a new binder though but hhh, no monies.

Damian
03-20-2014, 01:25 AM
Personally I'd just get both. They're both beneficial in their own ways.
Like if I know I'm going to do a lot of activity or sweat a lot, sports bra.
If I'm just supposed to look nice or whatever, regular bra.
For everything else, there's shirtless \:3/

Krespo
03-20-2014, 03:50 AM
For everything else, there's shirtless \:3/

oh bby >O>

It's surprising hearing about all this bra talk. Guess like most people I never gave it much thought and assumed transitioning was like flipping a switch. I am dumb :s

Gamedog
03-20-2014, 05:25 AM
oh bby >O>

It's surprising hearing about all this bra talk. Guess like most people I never gave it much thought and assumed transitioning was like flipping a switch. I am dumb :s
Yeah I didn't know either. I never thought that MtF would have to think about transitioning from a small size.

Lucy Bones
03-20-2014, 01:17 PM
It honestly hasn't been that simple at all for me. Transitioning is like going through a second puberty, but it's a second puberty you know nothing about, because you weren't raised up as the gender you're transitioning to.

I'm having a female puberty without any real knowledge of everything it entails. Doesn't matter to me, though, because I'm going through with this no matter what.

Damian
03-20-2014, 03:19 PM
It honestly hasn't been that simple at all for me. Transitioning is like going through a second puberty, but it's a second puberty you know nothing about, because you weren't raised up as the gender you're transitioning to.

I'm having a female puberty without any real knowledge of everything it entails. Doesn't matter to me, though, because I'm going through with this no matter what.

At least you don't have to deal with random periods? There's a bright side ^^;

Though, honestly I can't give any more advice about bras because the measurements for women's clothing is so ASININE and INCONSISTENT

Just take measurements of your abdomen and waist when you buy stuff because some brands are nice enough to have labels as what constitutes what.

lorenith
03-20-2014, 03:50 PM
Mens clothing is slowly starting to go that way too (asinine and inconsistent). Although at least men get pockets and is sturdy.

Lucy, I think other than boob/nipple tenderness, and menstruating there isn't much else about female puberty that is different from male puberty. And depending on how much your boobs decide to boob out, your boobs may or may not even get sore. I think it's great you're asking questions. Most girls are too embarrassed to really ask and just go through it all confused and things.

Lucy Bones
03-20-2014, 03:58 PM
My boobs are definitely sore. It's something I came to expect, though, so it's not too much of a problem. I just have absolutely no knowledge of anything when it comes to becoming a woman. My parents raised me to be a manly man, so that's all I really know anything about, even though that's not me at all.

lorenith
03-20-2014, 04:47 PM
You mean like, breaking habits that have basically been trained into you by your upbringing/societal pressure right?

(I'm mostly just curious of where you're coming from, and I apologize in advance if I say something out of line. If you don't want to talk about it or anything I will let it be). I don't know what to tell you about becoming a woman. I feel like if you say you're a woman, than you're a woman. If being a "manly man" isn't part of who you are, with time and attention those behaviors will go away.

Lucy Bones
03-20-2014, 07:13 PM
You mean like, breaking habits that have basically been trained into you by your upbringing/societal pressure right?

(I'm mostly just curious of where you're coming from, and I apologize in advance if I say something out of line. If you don't want to talk about it or anything I will let it be). I don't know what to tell you about becoming a woman. I feel like if you say you're a woman, than you're a woman. If being a "manly man" isn't part of who you are, with time and attention those behaviors will go away.

Well, by "becoming I woman" I of course refer to the physical changes I'm going through. I kind of look at my transition the same as any young girl would look at puberty. I'm changing from a girl into a fully fledged woman with these changes.

Also, yes, I have all sorts of male stigma still burned into my brain, and they are of course going away with time. I still don't feel like I've truly become who I know I am supposed to be, but I'm getting there.

When I was 15, I was a completely different person. Brainwashed, drugged up on methylphenidate, and a complete and utter douchebag. Now, 5 years later, I am a new person. Pretty much a full 180 degree turn away from what I once was. I feel like I've only been this person I truly am for about 5 years, so discovering myself is still quite an adventure.

One thing I know for sure, though, is that I am female. It's something I've repressed since childhood, and now I'm letting it bloom.

Damian
03-20-2014, 09:07 PM
One thing I know for sure, though, is that I am female. It's something I've repressed since childhood, and now I'm letting it bloom.

Let it go, Let it go~ (http://disneydose.com/wp-content/uploads/frozen-let-it-go-elsa.jpg)
God dammit now I want to write a parody for this

Ezydenias
03-21-2014, 12:39 PM
Well as for me I can go with each gender, but since I am biological male I just represent me as male. I don't see a huge difference in the end all genders will be gone, or not? Dunno I am not 400 already and only in my first life, as far I remember.

Well for transgender in real life, I kinda find them cool in way that they don't care about the toughs of others. But the ones that already have a girly face seem to be the one you should never expect to be transgender, I mostly see the ones who have some real big male attributes especially in their face.

If I would have a partner who is transgender I wouldn't bother about it except the same thing as I bother about partners with the same sex as mine. The Smell! I have some antique shit in my gens that let me smell the gender of a person, and yes I tested it even on transgender as much as I was able (before the hormontherapy) so I kinda think it would never happen since I feel uncomfortable close to any. But maybe that is gone already, those tests are all 3 to 5 years old.^^ I don't care that much about it right now.

Uhh upsy daisy I think I mixxed transgender and transsexual, which I have to say that the transgender and transsexual people don't even seem to know to exactly, I also never found an entry in any encyclopedia about it. Also I have no clue which one is what now. And I don't bother because most of it counts for both, so sorry if that offends anyone but I don't like to be that political correct all the time, after all I am no politician.

Anyway I hope I said what you wanted to know about because I didn't really understood your question especially since "Dost" doesn't appear in my dictionary, maybe you mean "thus"? but does that make sense? Anyway you will tell me.

Lucy Bones
03-21-2014, 08:12 PM
Well as for me I can go with each gender, but since I am biological male I just represent me as male. I don't see a huge difference in the end all genders will be gone, or not? Dunno I am not 400 already and only in my first life, as far I remember.

Well for transgender in real life, I kinda find them cool in way that they don't care about the toughs of others. But the ones that already have a girly face seem to be the one you should never expect to be transgender, I mostly see the ones who have some real big male attributes especially in their face.

If I would have a partner who is transgender I wouldn't bother about it except the same thing as I bother about partners with the same sex as mine. The Smell! I have some antique shit in my gens that let me smell the gender of a person, and yes I tested it even on transgender as much as I was able (before the hormontherapy) so I kinda think it would never happen since I feel uncomfortable close to any. But maybe that is gone already, those tests are all 3 to 5 years old.^^ I don't care that much about it right now.

Uhh upsy daisy I think I mixxed transgender and transsexual, which I have to say that the transgender and transsexual people don't even seem to know to exactly, I also never found an entry in any encyclopedia about it. Also I have no clue which one is what now. And I don't bother because most of it counts for both, so sorry if that offends anyone but I don't like to be that political correct all the time, after all I am no politician.

Anyway I hope I said what you wanted to know about because I didn't really understood your question especially since "Dost" doesn't appear in my dictionary, maybe you mean "thus"? but does that make sense? Anyway you will tell me.

"Dost" is just a goofy way of saying the word "does."

Ezydenias
03-22-2014, 04:08 PM
"Dost" is just a goofy way of saying the word "does."

Was it really necessary to quote everything? xD.^^

BrazenBull
03-22-2014, 05:46 PM
Well, insofar as "gender identity" as a topic and a lifestyle thing, I seem to not have much of an issue with transwhatevers. I mean, I've known a handful and they have seemed pretty chill for the most part. They had "issues" apart from the gender thing too and were not very "content" for the most part if you can get my meaning. I pretty much subscribe to the "do what you will" thing for private and public life. Don't fuck around with me and I won't fuck you back. But yeah, If you want to be something other than what you were born as, go for it. Just make sure you "Really want it.

Lucy Bones
03-23-2014, 02:25 AM
Was it really necessary to quote everything? xD.^^

Yes, in the English language, when referring to specific words, you put quotes around them.

piņardilla
03-23-2014, 02:37 AM
Yes, in the English language, when referring to specific words, you put quotes around them.

I think he's referring to you not cropping everything but the relevant part in his post that you were replying to. Like this:


Anyway I hope I said what you wanted to know about because I didn't really understood your question especially since "Dost" doesn't appear in my dictionary, maybe you mean "thus"? but does that make sense? Anyway you will tell me.

Lucy Bones
03-23-2014, 02:25 PM
Eh, I'm far too lazy to crop posts sometimes.

Sax
03-25-2014, 06:08 AM
If I would have a partner who is transgender I wouldn't bother about it except the same thing as I bother about partners with the same sex as mine. The Smell! I have some antique shit in my gens that let me smell the gender of a person, and yes I tested it even on transgender as much as I was able (before the hormontherapy) so I kinda think it would never happen since I feel uncomfortable close to any. But maybe that is gone already, those tests are all 3 to 5 years old.^^ I don't care that much about it right now.


I don't understand what you're trying to say about smell and tests and "antique shit in my gens".
Are you referring to one's scent, that usually do changes when one takes hormones? (to be blunt: smell of sweat, urine, genital organs and secretions)

Ezydenias
03-26-2014, 09:52 AM
Yea that is what I meant. I just wanted to point out that many people seem not to recognize such things, many people think I am just making all this up. Even it is logical that nature made something like that into the circuits of their bioforms. And I guess it just degenerate out of the most people. Which is kinda good. But I really really often heared shit like "You can't smell hormons!" or things like that. But comeon of course It is possible, maybe not exactly smell them but they have an impact, they are spreaded for a reason.

Abbi Normal
03-30-2014, 07:17 PM
This is...a difficult sort of territory for me. I'm really not sure where I fit in or what I should do about it or what I should be calling myself.

I don't understand women at all, and I absolutely hate being grouped in with them, and I HATE when women saying things like "Women are/like/do/whatever" because without fail, the next thing out of their mouth is at best irrelevant to me, and at worst insulting, I have trouble making friends with them, rarely have anything in common, attitudes and temperaments and approaches to thinking, etc just...don't like up at all. At all. I have no frame of reference for talking to most women, except casually (now I think Aleu might be my patronus, heh). In these ways, I'm like a guy, I feel like a guy, I act and carry myself and talk like a guy. My oldest friend calls me his "brother", all my friends are male and they talk in front of me like they do in front of other guys, I'm very much one of the guys. I consider myself more male than female, and I wear guys' clothes (in fact, many of my clothes are hand-me-downs from my father). But still not completely male, in that I'm not into working out and male social games (don't anybody pretend social games are female-only. But I bow out of both arenas), and having people call me Matt or George or whatever (though I am blessed with a unisex name).

So I feel more like a guy than a girl, but still not actually like a guy, or like I want to actually live specifically as a traditional male. In my head, the "maleness" might be more an attitude/interests/personality thing, I don't even know. I struggle with the whole idea of identifying as any gender. In my head I'm totally and completely androgynous/without a gender of any kind, and I really wish I was physically, too, having a gendered body at all feels so wrong. The closest I've come to finding a term for how I feel is "masculine-tempered agender". I guess it will have to do.

Which sort of plays into the body/dysphoric aspect, especially since there's been much discussion of this aspect in this thread. Like I said, my female body feels totally wrong, but I feel like most aspects of a male body would also feel almost as wrong. I don't like my curves, I don't like how my female body works, I absolutely HATE my boobs. If I could, I would dress and present myself as androgynous as I feel. Unfortunately, I'm 5 feet tall, with a D-cup chest, very soft features and big long-lash eyes, and a serious case of Latina-butt. So, not happening. I feel a bit better in my Dad's and boyfriend's clothes, but don't know what I actually look better. The only way I could change this much is by going on male hormones, and like I said, a male-like body would feel as bad as this female one. I'm also unwilling to cut my hair, due to it being a totally wicked-awesome gift from the gods the likes of which the mortal coil rarely sees, and also I hang with punks and metalheads so I don't see long hair as a gendered thing. One thing that I feel like I have going for me, that's technically a medical disorder, but for me a blessing in disguise, is that I've got a hormonal/endocrine disorder that lowers my body's sensitivity to its own estrogen. So I usually don't have to deal with the more specifically feminine biological functions, such as among other things, I can't get pregnant at all, and the big one, I have almost no period. Maybe one or two a year, and they're short, and since I don't have to deal with that stuff 99% of the time, my down-unders aren't a subject of dysphoria, without the functionality, it's just a flat, discrete, minimalist...thing...which is in-keeping with feeling comfortably androgynous . (But holy balls, when they do happen...I don't even know how to describe how terrible it is. Not in the way all women hate their period, not in a grossed-out way, in a way like my brain is screaming WRONG WRONG WRONG at my body every second that it lasts.) It also means I grow a bit of facial hair, but not enough to convince anyone, so I just shave it off. One thing that has helped me so much lately, is real tight higher-end sports bras. I mentioned that my chest is my absolute LEAST favourite body part, and with the right fit and style of sports bra, worn a little differently than you're "supposed to", it's almost like I have a flat androgynous/guy-chest. So amazing! I feel so great! It's like I put this thing on one day, and was suddenly 100000X more comfortable in my body! It's freaking MAGIC! I'm actually considering getting a real binder, which would be even better. My sister is a cosplayer and has one for when she's cosplaying a guy character, and after seeing her in costume plus how I feel in my under-sized sports bras, I know that's what I want. Surgical options aren't even on the table, since they won't do mastectomy unless you have breast cancer or are a full-on FtM transitioning and already living as a full-time male. (Any bio-woman can get breast enhancements, though, since wanting big boobs is perfectly normal and acceptable and everybody wants to see that, but not wanting boobs would be a disfigurement and means something is wrong with you. Riiiight.)

Sigh. All that text, and I don't even know wtf I'm trying to say here.

Damian
03-30-2014, 09:11 PM
Omg it's true. I am a patronus. I've been summoned o:

Don't worry, I get the gist of your wall of text.

lorenith
03-30-2014, 11:32 PM
Hey, if you do decide to go the binding route, just make sure you do it properly, you can really seriously hurt yourself permanently if you do it wrong. (again I have no experience with binding, but I've seen PSA's from those who do about making sure to do it right).

Sax
03-31-2014, 05:35 AM
Surgical options aren't even on the table, since they won't do mastectomy unless you have breast cancer or are a full-on FtM transitioning and already living as a full-time male.
Hey hi, have you specifically asked surgeons performing FTM surgery in your country about that?
I know in the usa they routinely do top surgery on genderqueer people, some even on female-id people, and even here in france, which is pretty conservative when it comes to trans surgery, a few surgeons will do it. So it might be worth it to specifically enquire, if you have a local surgeon or two in mind. Or even to cross the border.
(If you have already do your homework, please disregard! ^^; )

VitalHEART
07-13-2014, 02:06 AM
Lots of amazing posts on this thread, and some truly inspiring. :3

My internal view of myself is as a male and I wish to portray it on the outside with surgery. So that makes me Transgender/transmale.
But other than that, my whole life I was hit with so many mixed signals of how to act gender-wise that I ended up extremely gender-neutral when it comes to personality and being around other people. I know how to be full girl and full male as a show to those whom it would be detrimental to them finding out though but that usually just involves make-up or binding+packing, my personality tends to stay the same otherwise.

It has actually come to a revelation, being able to walk amongst both genders and listen I've found they keep trying to differentiate their sexes. But in my journey I've met hundreds of people and find there is no difference at all except genetically and it isn't as big a deal as they think.
Some girls like camping, some boys like camping. Some girls wear skirts, some boys wear skirts and are still internally male. Some girls play video games, some boys play video games. Some girls are emotional, some boys are emotional. Some girls are conceited, some boys are conceited. Girls talk about boys, other girls, sex, and secrets. Boys talk about girls, other boys, sex, and secrets.
There was no difference. Saying one "is acting like a girl" or "acting like a boy" isn't just a poor attempt at trying to make an insult, it just makes them nonsensical.

When I told people I was Trans, both genders always ask how I want to be treated, and I just say, "Like a human being, what other way to treat me is there?" or, "Why would you treat me any differently? I'm still me." But they are so stuck on their false assumptions and teachings that they get confused and make too much of a deal of treating me like a particular gender. Then it gets awkward because they don't understand I'm cool with doing the same things they do or that we can do things together at all. For example, learning make-up tips with the girls. Or playing soccer with the guys.

-I love what Lorenith wrote on here, "Why can't things just be things?"

How you act, what you like and love is not your gender. What gender matters is your internal gender. I wouldn't change my body if it weren't causing horrible nightmares and trips to the therapists. Personality-wise, I'm just normal. But looking in the mirror and it not showing who I am inside (Mulan pun, I couldn't resist), it can break you down and freak you out until you can't take it anymore.

Gamedog
07-13-2014, 03:30 AM
Hey, if you do decide to go the binding route, just make sure you do it properly, you can really seriously hurt yourself permanently if you do it wrong. (again I have no experience with binding, but I've seen PSA's from those who do about making sure to do it right).

This...
I'm sure most trans men know the ins and outs of binding, but some new to it might not. Based on what I know, you should stay far away from ace bandages because they've been known to actually break your ribs if you bind with them.

Inemiset
07-22-2014, 01:07 AM
I was born female, XX...

And I am still female. The end.

Owleyes
07-22-2014, 04:09 AM
It's taken a lot of thinking over, but I think I'm just agender
I don't feel like there's really any single gender that I can fall into as I'm not fully comfortable identifying as any really

Moogle
07-22-2014, 11:48 PM
Fulll on female here! Although growing up a lot of kids thought I was a boy (I always have had short hair, so wearing a baseball cap with it well..). Having 3 brothers around & no sisters makes it hard for me to focus on girly things, but it may just be the way we're born. Guess I'm still labeled under a 'tom-boy', however my mom seems to think that's wrong and I should be a woman already... HAAAAA.

medacris
07-23-2014, 03:49 AM
I know that when I look at myself, I don't see what I want to see. Something about me causes me not to fit in. Something seems off, but I can't tell what it is. I want to try cutting my hair short, dressing more masculine, even trying packing and binding to see if perhaps it's what I feel like I'm missing.

Other people have not been very supportive so far. Either they've told me I don't have gender dysphoria, that there's no possible way (and if I don't, I worry I've been insensitive to transgender folk by saying I might), that I'd better not insinuate that I do, and that if I do, they won't speak to me again, that I'm just taking stuff jerks told me as a kid to heart, that I'm just being a tomboy (and that tomboys are just women who are too immature to act like the adults they are), that 'if you tried to crossdress, you'd never pass,' or that it's just a symptom all depressed people feel. I don't know what I should do, so I wanted to ask everyone here for some advice.

VitalHEART
07-23-2014, 12:19 PM
I know that when I look at myself, I don't see what I want to see....

Woah, woah. You're right to think that you are and that you aren't. It's not easy, and shouldn't be. Thanks to new laws it is great time to be alive when you're non-binary/LGBT+, though the road is still tough. We are all still villainized by the world and you have to prepare for crisis when there will be no one there to back you up but yourself. You could even become homeless, and you need to be mentally/physically/and financially ready for that.

No you're not insensitive by saying you might be dysphoric or anything related to Transgenderism. Everyone can have small bits of gender dysphoria and still not be transgender. Because Transgenderism is finally getting a voice there is an influx of confused people who think they might be, sit on it and talk to counselors/therapists to rule out your internal questions. Could take from months to years, the important key is not to rush.

Words of advice, and this goes for anyone thinking they are "non-binary":

Google is your friend, look for a nearby therapist that is LGBT+ friendly and try to get appointments scheduled with them.
If you live with your parents and they wont let you like mine did, just wait until you have your own job and can pay for appointments yourself.
If you're above the age of 13 and didn't really fully exhibit or understand what Transgender was until recently, keep it quiet except to your therapist. Remember that if you're loud about it, bad things can happen, like getting fired from your job.
This is an internal battle, only you can answer your own questions and therapists can help you find those questions you need to ask yourself. LGBT+ can be a hard life, you need to be sure it is necessary to step on it to find inner peace.
It's no one's business what your gender/or lack of gender is whatsoever. So when people ask, avoid telling them if you don't want them to know.
Its your body, its your mind, its your pace. Try to stay calm. If you DO end up being Transgender, don't feel weird if you don't want to go full boy. Gender is a spectrum, there are plenty of other Transppl who don't take Testosterone, dress male, or get mastectomies. It's what makes YOU feel right, and if you don't need the whole "package" don't pressure yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, YOU ARE NOT A BROKEN HUMAN.
If people wont call you by the name and pronouns you want, just try the name for now. For goodness sake if boys can call each other Scrappy and Godzilla affectionately they can call you by your chosen boy name or gtfo.
If you are going to bind and "pack", be sure to look up the dos and don'ts and ask those who are transitioning. Many ways of ye olde ways of binding are dangerous and can lead to death, so learn what's modern and best!
Be smart. Learn the laws for LGBT+ for where you live and the entire country and strive for a place to move to if you can't transition or be open in LGBT+-ness where you are. That includes your identity on the web. Make sure you are not exactly so easily traced by employers and others who are not supportive of the presence of anyone on the LGBT+ spectrum. Depending on your situation of who's around you, you may have to live a double-life for a while for as long as it's necessary.


Also, if you aren't sure if you're Trans or not yet, I wouldn't worry about passing just yet (that's a bit too much pressure on yourself for a start doncha think?). Just wear the clothes that makes you comfy first before you hit those harder questions and feelings.
Also you aren't just weaning yourself from girly things, you have to wean the people you live with that you are not into girly things. If you transition too fast and you don't want them to officially know just yet, they will freak out.

Hope that wasn't too much/long. I'm actually starting to really get into the support side of Transgenderism now that I can both physically and financially, and can donate things and whatnot now the deeper I dive into transition. It's something I've always wanted to do, to give what I was never given, including a safe place to stay for the trans-homeless. To help others avoid what I went through and to not make the same mistakes. Also setting aside some of my art commission money to pay for the materials others transitioners/transformers need (namely binders). :3

Auriel Kitsu
07-25-2014, 07:12 AM
Stepping out of character here.
If I hadn't been able to have surgery I had every intention of checking out early in no uncertain terms. It was impossible for me to find any way to live as a male. I used up every excuse to live that way that I could including large amounts of drugs and alcohol to deaden the mental and emotional pain.

I owned my home. Had a good job as a systems analyst and engineer with a prominent midwestern bank. Within 6 months of completing transition I had lost my house, my career and was sleeping in my car. Not a single friend lifted a finger to help me. I remained homeless for 7 years until 18 months ago to be precise. No I live in nearly complete isolation with no real close friends, not people that share my interests or values. No one that accepts me for what I am.

VitalHEART
07-25-2014, 11:28 AM
Stepping out of character here.

More like driving home the point of reality.
Not many take to heart when they read, "You can lose everything, you're home, your family, and your finances if you choose such-and-such path," even when they see someone who has/is. I know too many who sound like they're in the same spot you were and am. It's a reality and it can't be taken lightly.

Hope you find happiness Auriel. Sincerely.

Auriel Kitsu
07-25-2014, 11:41 PM
1

- - - Updated - - -



Hope you find happiness Auriel. Sincerely.

Thank you for the kindness of your thoughts.

medacris
07-27-2014, 09:12 AM
Joining in the encouragement for you, Auriel. You deserve to find happiness and a place in which you feel safe.

Raz
07-27-2014, 08:06 PM
Stepping out of character here.
If I hadn't been able to have surgery I had every intention of checking out early in no uncertain terms. It was impossible for me to find any way to live as a male. I used up every excuse to live that way that I could including large amounts of drugs and alcohol to deaden the mental and emotional pain.

I owned my home. Had a good job as a systems analyst and engineer with a prominent midwestern bank. Within 6 months of completing transition I had lost my house, my career and was sleeping in my car. Not a single friend lifted a finger to help me. I remained homeless for 7 years until 18 months ago to be precise. No I live in nearly complete isolation with no real close friends, not people that share my interests or values. No one that accepts me for what I am.

I'm so sorry that things have been difficult for you, Auriel.
I feel naive because I had no idea things were still bad for trans people when it came to keeping jobs while outed!
I knew that bullying and violence can happen, which is bad enough, but it's scary to know that being yourself can get you fired!

I only have my sister calling me by my preferred pronouns within the privacy of my own home beyond website stuff like this and feel...bleh when I'm with other people and they're saying she/her and calling me a girl or lady.
I was wanting to invest in a chest binder and try to be more open about my preferred pronouns, but that's not a very good idea for me, is it?
I'm hopeful that I can at least be myself at home and possibly a daily therapy I go to, but beyond that I'll just have to accept people calling me a lady until things ideally get better.

Auriel Kitsu
08-04-2014, 08:40 PM
I'm so sorry that things have been difficult for you, Auriel.
I feel naive because I had no idea things were still bad for trans people when it came to keeping jobs while outed!
I knew that bullying and violence can happen, which is bad enough, but it's scary to know that being yourself can get you fired!

I only have my sister calling me by my preferred pronouns within the privacy of my own home beyond website stuff like this and feel...bleh when I'm with other people and they're saying she/her and calling me a girl or lady.
I was wanting to invest in a chest binder and try to be more open about my preferred pronouns, but that's not a very good idea for me, is it?
I'm hopeful that I can at least be myself at home and possibly a daily therapy I go to, but beyond that I'll just have to accept people calling me a lady until things ideally get better.

Trans Men seem to have a harder time coming to grips with their innate masculinity. I have one friend back east that pretty much has waited until his parents both died to even think seriously about transition. If I could have done that I would have to but for me the drive to live an authentic life as a woman was so strong that I couldn't live another day in Boy world. On the other side this isn't a race. You make it to the end of your driveway when you get there. The main road isn't going anywhere and it's better to take the time and map the course you are going to be taking.

There are an incredible range of online resources on the interwebs for people that are curious about what it takes to transition. Most of them have been oriented for trans women but over the last couple of years a great deal more new stuff has been published to support trans men in their journey towards living an authentic life. If I can be of service to anyone here in the forums please don't hesitate to ask. I'm a very open and caring person by nature.

Brace
08-09-2014, 03:23 PM
I'm currently working on my 7th degree, can't find work, and am borderline homeless. What's going on right now isn't too far off from genocide. It's just done through convoluted bureaucratic means coupled with broad cultural attitudes, rather than rifles, barbed wire fences, and gas chambers. It's also ambiguously intentional. So more like the Trail of Tears or the Great Irish or Chinese Famines. Somewhere between there and more clever/subtle bureaucratic genocides like Holodomir. I genuinely believe that violence is fully justified in this context, it's just hard finding proper targets in such an amorphous climate. I think trans people should stop living lives of quiet desperation and dying young and start taking up arms, though. Nothing is going to change until we're taken seriously and it's obvious that can't be done through dialog.

Brace
08-10-2014, 03:12 PM
Yeah, I'm dead. Good work.

Fibriel Solaer
08-25-2014, 10:32 AM
I don't believe that gender dysphoria or whatever culturally correct bullshit they call it these days should be an issue at all.

That does not however mean I am going to ignore the wrongs clearly being done to intersex or dysphorics, because those wrongs violate that same rule of not making this an issue, as well as more important rules such as "don't fucking abuse people for stupid reasons".

It pisses me off to see irrelevant statistics being used as weapons against anyone and everyone.

WolfNightV4X1
08-26-2014, 11:23 AM
...I think I'd be trans boy but I don't want to jump on the label too quick because its cool and I want to be a special snowflake.

I want to make sure what I actually feel is what it means to be trans.

...I don't like my gender, I don't like being feminine or having a female body, I want to change my clothes and hair, and ultimately I wish I was born male. I really would like to try experimenting with being male more but I'd have to wait until I move out, and I could never actually think of getting hrt or a sex change there's just too much social pressure for me to radically change.

I want to be a gay male so much :/

Fibriel Solaer
09-22-2014, 04:34 AM
To put this in the most positive tone that a bitter old jerk like me is capable of, I believe that everyone should accept what they are and not mistakenly conflate that with who they are. To do otherwise is to foster self-loathing and betray yourself.

Brace
09-23-2014, 09:14 AM
You've misapplied that nugget of wisdom.

medacris
09-23-2014, 12:32 PM
If you feel like all of the aspects of something fit you, then it shouldn't matter if it's popular or unpopular. Just try it out. Not everyone who thinks they're trans or gay ultimately ends up realizing that's who they are, and that's okay. That's why there's a Q in LGBTQIA, for anyone Questioning that they may be.

inkou
09-28-2014, 03:13 PM
I was born female, identify as female, but wear male clothing and am pretty androgynous with how I act.
I don't shave (fuzzy legs in the winter are so amazing gosh) and am also a massive homo
Some days I feel pretty feminine but that only goes as far as maybe wearing a low-cut top, usually I'm all baggy hoodies and jeans or madly patterned shirts.
An ex of mine was determined that my 'masculinity' was down to my low elf-esteem, and she stopped me from wearing 'male' clothes, bought me dresses and made me wear them (oh my glob dresses make me feel so uncomfortable ugh)
So glad she's long gone ahaa

I've got pretty big boobs so I don't think I could ever pull off really dressing as a guy if I wanted to, but it is something I'd like to try o3o idk

(this thread is interesting gosh)

Gamedog
09-28-2014, 07:01 PM
Can someone explain to me what "just try it out" means in regards to sexual orientation or gender identity?

piņardilla
09-28-2014, 08:13 PM
Can someone explain to me what "just try it out" means in regards to sexual orientation or gender identity?

"I have feelings that I am unsure fit a different identity better than my current identity, so I will go with it for a little while and see if it fits me."

Gamedog
09-28-2014, 08:26 PM
"I have feelings that I am unsure fit a different identity better than my current identity, so I will go with it for a little while and see if it fits me."

Like, if a woman were to question whether or not she's a lesbian, she would call herself a lesbian and start dating women to see if she likes it?
I kinda understand that. Thank you

inkou
09-29-2014, 02:55 AM
Like, if a woman were to question whether or not she's a lesbian, she would call herself a lesbian and start dating women to see if she likes it?
I kinda understand that. Thank you

That sounds about right (: best way to figure out what you like is to experiment !!
Whether it's sexuality, gender identity or anything else

ShadWolf
09-29-2014, 07:22 AM
I find I myself am Genderfluid, meaning I feel as if though I can associate myself with either gender roles. I was born male, but my body is quite feminine looking, and no I'm not just basing my Genderfluidness because of what my body looks like, but because of how I feel myself. I get antsy when it comes to discussing topics like these because I feel as if though I might be saying something wrong even though its not. :x …it's taken me quite a while to figure out where I stand in which I felt most comfortable with.

medacris
09-29-2014, 05:16 PM
Transgenderism

I think the term is "transgendered", but it's alright. You don't have to be trans to understand it, just be supportive, and ask questions if you don't understand something. You seem to be doing a really great job so far, keep it up!